Worst: TNA didn’t put this on their YouTube Channel, so let me describe it
INT. ILYA KOVALCHUK CENTRE – BACKSTAGE – NIGHT I GUESS
A distractingly one-dimensional Bully Ray paces in front of his club members, angry, because wrestling.
I have worries about Slammiversary. Buttstuff. Who is going to take Kurt Angle out?
By the look on his face, he doesn’t mean out for a nice dinner and maybe a movie if Kurt plays his cards right.
I can barely speak in public and can’t win without interference, but let me do it! Surely the public wants to see me wrestle again!
I’ve got a chain! And I cut my hair into a mohawk so I look more menacing! I even have….sunglasses.
D-Lo, obviously frustrated, shoves both young men aside.
No guys, I can do this. Knux, you’ve seen me go in the ring. Doc? Damn right Devon you know what I can do. Garrett, Wes, now you may not have been old enough to see me wrestle, but let me grab my iPad and we can YouTube some matches. Don’t try to do my neck thing, though! It was the leading cause of wrestling fan-related injuries for many years, just ahead of “trying to give stunners to your friends” and “dancing like Shane MacMahon.” And goddamnit Wes, stop playing Angry Birds. You’re going to mess with my high score. And you keep getting jam on the screen, fool.”
Dejected, Wes sets the iPad down next to a number of empty beer bottles, presumably left behind by James Storm like a trail of bread crumbs so he can find his way back to the ring.
Are you going to get the job done? Do you stake your colours on it? Are you willing to give up the smell of sweat-soaked leather, the near-gentle caress of a stripper hand job, and sitting on a parked bike because only two of us have motorcycle licenses?
Do I get to keep my iPad?
Yeah sure, I guess. I mean…
IT’S COOL I’LL DO IT LET ME JUST GRAB MY CHARGER SO I DON’T FORGET IT OUTTA MY WAY GUYS
That’s the club charger, D-Lo. Because when you charge your mobile devices with Aces & Eights, you never charge alone.