While Mississippi State was putting the finishing touches on a come-from-behind 5-4 win over Indiana at the College World Series in Omaha, one family was making a memory that would last a lifetime as a young girl proudly snagged herself her very first foul ball. Of course, the problem with bringing kids to the ballpark is that if one kid gets something, the others soon become jealous and filled with a tiny-but-powerful rage that could end up ruining an otherwise peaceful day of ruining the days of the people around them.
So as this young girl celebrated her souvenir, the other children around her – some if not all presumably her siblings – became instantly jealous and their basic human instincts of kill or be killed kicked in.
Obviously, the girl is allowed to be excited that she got the foul ball, because that’s pretty cool. I’ve been to dozens of baseball games in my life and I’ve never grabbed a foul ball. But at a certain point, celebrating becomes taunting.
So the jackals strike, determined to get their share of the freshly-slaughtered zebra carcass.
Soon, the weakest of the herd retreats, knowing that he stands no chance at fighting off his older, tougher scavengers, and he settles for what little he already has.
But if he doesn’t get far enough away from the carnage, he can still be just as much affected by the battle.
Wait, wait, wait… let’s look at that again.
Yeah, just as I suspected – the kid’s a flopper. Leave him with the babysitter next time, dad. Don’t let him come out again until he learns how to become a professional soccer star or an NBA MVP. Or at the very least until he’s old enough to wrestle Scott Steiner.
(H/T to It’s Always Sunny in Detroit)