This week, This Week In Horrible-Looking People leaves the world of embarrassing promo photos behind long enough to focus on the glorious pro wrestling trading cards of the early 90s, specifically WWF trading cards from 1992. The "GOLD Series," because the Silver Series is just the names of wrestlers scribbled onto index cards.
Inside we've got some of the worst looking pro wrestlers ever, some of the laziest card photography you've ever seen, multiple instances of Virgil (!!) and more. There are even a few good wrestlers sprinkled in to keep it interesting. But yeah, both Beverly Brothers are present, so don't expect too much.
Please click through to enjoy 30 of the best and worst WWF trading cards. Let us know your favorites in our comments section below.
"Awesome, a Beau of the Beverly Brothers card," said nobody ever.
I love the action shots in these. 90% of the cards are just people standing still in the ring. REMEMBER THE TIME BOSSMAN KNELT? HERE IT IS FOREVER.
Now this is how you pose for a trading card.
If you ask wrestling fans about the greatest matches of all time, they'll throw out Hogan vs. Andre, Steamboat vs. Savage, and of course Crush vs. Repo Man from SummerSlam 1992.
How do you say "dignity" in Spanish?
"Shit, I got another Sags. I need a Knobbs!" also said nobody ever.
I want a card of him sitting on a couch watching TV with a plate of food in his lap and a dirty bird cage in the background that says "KOKO B. WARE OF LOW ENERGY."
The best part of Macho Man's early 90s jackets is how he'd tape up his wrists to match them. I like to think the wrist tape is part of the jacket to keep it on. Come to think of it, I can't remember ever seen Macho put a jacket on or take it off, he's always just in a jacket or not.
"I can't wait until you guys meet my son. He's 13 years old! His name is ... shit, what is his name"
Serious kayfabe question: If Nailz is an escaped prisoner who has come to the WWF to shoot murder the old prison guard who used to mistreat him, who thought it was a good idea to put him on a trading card?
"Welcome to my voodoo photo studio!"
Just like Papa Shango, only he puts needles into die cast cars and puts them in a shoebox labeled "disreputable auto dealer."
Nothing accentuates a bagpipe quite like a swooping neckline. These fans paid to see belly-button!
Looking back, "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU WITH A KNIFE" is a pretty sweet wrestling gimmick.
I can't tell where Tatanka ends and the jobber begins.
(WWF has been saying this since 1992)
Rick Martel is one of the best but kayfabe stupid wrestlers ever. If you're a garbage man, sure, be a garbage man and a pro wrestler. But if you're a model? Your jobs are "model" and "get punched in the face." That seems counter-productive. Kelly Kelly, I hope you're taking notes.
I'm sad the Berserker didn't stick around long enough to ride on the back of a cockatrice and hit gnomes with its tail.
He always gets/thoroughly talks to his man.
OH SWEET A BLAKE, FINALLY
Back in 1992, a parent overheard a kid saying "aw, I wanted Butch!" and got really confused.
Real talk: Paul Bearer never took a less-than-amazing photo.
Nothing says "America" like a balding guy who is so fat he has to wear a t-shirt under his onesie.
Suck it forever, Virgil.
Koko B. Ware of Not Pictured
Out of context, this is the greatest photo/worst high-five of all time.
Here's another Virgil card, if the first one wasn't enough. How many Virgils are in this set?
And you gave NAILZ more than one card?
IS THIS REAL LIFE