Vintage Promos is a series looking back at the best, worst and most memorable pro wrestling interviews of all time. It previously appeared on AOL FanHouse.
When I was a kid, I was terrified of The Rapture.
Sure, now that I’m an adult, I can see the endless string of End Of The World comedies and laugh, but when I was five years old and surrounded by Aunts who were sure Jesus would be back in the next five years and wouldn’t stop telling me about it, I was terrified. I’d stay up late at night, staring out of my window, waiting for the trumpets to sound and Jesus to appear on a horse somewhere up in the clouds. I was mad that my life was going to be over at five, but hey, Heaven is supposed to be the best imaginable thing, right? I kept telling myself that, and my brain would find its way back to, “oh my God, I’m never going to get to grow up. My life’s going to be over before it starts.”
I was afraid of the Antichrist, and what he’d do to the world. In the late 90s, I finally met him. Turns out he’s hilarious.
If you’ve read The Holy Bible, you know the signs of the Antichrist — he’s bright yellow, he wears a Dracula cape and carries around a hobby horse. He also loves to identify himself. “OKAY, YOU KNOW, I’M JUST WANNA TELL YOU ONE TING. THE ONE TING IS THAT I’M THE ANTICHRIST.” He doesn’t know who is going to wrestle him, because he’s the best. Antichrist is number one. It’s in Revelation somewhere.
Two things I love about this interview:
1. How polite the interviewer is. He is interviewing THE ANTICHRIST and he’s still like, “yes sir” every time he asks a question.
2. The Antichrist gets an opportunity to talk, and all he says is that he’s the Antichrist and he’s number one. The interview ends. THAT is when he decides to break out his big material, wherein he CALLS OUT GOD and starts screaming about how God isn’t number one, the ANTICHRIST is number one, and that the Antichrist is HIM. THE ANTICHRIST, IT’S MEEEEEEEEE And then he just walks the f**k away.
Immediately after this, Antichrist found himself in a six-man tag with legendary 90s pro wrestling self-hurter Hayabusa and … that was it. I can only assume he’s locked away from the wrestling world for 1,000 years, and will show back up again in the 2990s. Jeff Hardy started trying to call himself “the Antichrist of pro wrestling” but it never stuck, because there is only ONE Antichrist, and that is HEEEEEEE.
Also, Jeff Hardy never carried around a hobby horse.