Burnsy is currently living it up on vacation in the Bahamas, so I’m left alone to figure out these “Watch This” things. Here’s a cat percussionist. Sorry, everyone.
Here’s what’s on tonight:
Game 7: Pacers at Heat — 8:30 PM EST on TNT
Tonight, there are two possible outcomes:
1. The Miami Heat get their shit together, Dwyane Wade starts playing like LeBron James’ superior instead of LeBron James’ help, and the Heat crush the Pacers by 450,000 points en route to another NBA Finals appearance. Tomorrow’s columns are all about whether or not the Spurs will be able to handle such an explosive offense.
2. The Pacers win, Brandon does a little dance, and we get the most boring possible NBA Finals. Don’t get me wrong, it’ll be great basketball, but Lil’ Wayne isn’t going to show up and get excited about it. Tomorrow’s columns are all about how the Heat beat themselves, and do not mention the Indiana Pacers.
Stanley Cup Playoff
Game 2: Bruins at Penguins — 8 PM EST on NBCSP
The Bruins are up 1-0, which has turned Pennsylvania bakeries against them. One more loss and everybody in Pittsburgh spends the next five years eating “freedom beans.” Has anybody tried bringing a sign that reads PITTSBURGH STRONGER? That worked out well for Toronto.
WWE Raw (is War) — 8 PM EST on USA
If you’re watching this, make sure you stop in and chat with us in the open discussion thread. But hey, I never do Watch This posts, so let me try one of the Burnsy fantasy booking paragraphs:
Tonight, John Cena issues a challenge to somebody for the next pay-per-view. That challenge is answered by Scott Steiner, who is back for some reason. A dog-collar match is made, then immediately unmade when Cena quips “you and your brother liked to pose in doggystyle!” and everybody laughs, and Scott Steiner cries and leaves because he realizes he’s gay. Then John Cena pins Rick Steiner in a stretcher match.
(he’s way better at these)
Indians at Yankees — 7 PM EST on ESPN
Cleveland gets the hell away from Tampa Bay and stops trading blowouts. You probably have better things to watch.