You know why this video is so stupid? It’s not because these two guys decided to actually settle a dispute over a parking spot by agreeing to box each other. And it’s not because the people behind them were (rightfully) laying on their horns, a sound that I hate with the passion of 1,000 fiery suns. And it’s not even because half of the video was recorded sideways.
This video is stupid because neither of these schmucks had the brains to immediately cheat and kick the other guy in the balls and then shove him into a pile of trash. That’s how you win a fight, and that’s how you get that motherf-cking parking spot.
U.S. Open Golf: First Round – 5 PM ET on ESPN
With all the rain this morning and the first round already delayed, I’m not sure what highlights ESPN will have to show by 5 PM, so the WWL will probably still be showing live action. Either way, the first round re-started at 12:10 and I’m pretty proud of myself that I even got up from my couch to write this.
Game 4: Heat at Spurs – 9 PM ET on ABC
I’ve long had a very valid and proven theory that anytime the Heat lose in a playoff series, and especially the Finals, they bounce back with a massive win. For instance, on Sunday I was playing some golf with my bros, broing it up and golfing, bro. And someone asked, “Who do you have tonight?” I replied, “The Heat by 30-ish” because that’s typically how they bounce back. Sure enough, the Heat won Game 2 by 19 points, although it wasn’t nearly that close.
So how are the Heat going to respond to losing by almost 40 in Game 3? Will they win by 60 tonight? I don’t think it’s possible, but I wouldn’t tell people to not bet on it.
Impact Wrestling – 9 PM ET on SPIKE
Every few weeks on a Thursday night, I’ll flip through the channels and realize that nothing is on. Then I’ll sulk for a bit, knowing that I’ll never see another new episode of 30 Rock. Finally, I think, “Hey, let’s see what’s happening on Impact Wrestling” and I’ll watch for 5-10 minutes before shutting off the TV and staring into a dark void, questioning why television was ever even invented.
Meanwhile, here’s a GIF of the Impact head writer: