The UFC’s greatest boastful personality Chael Sonnen spoke to fans during a Q&A session at the UFC Fan Expo this past weekend in Las Vegas, and he continued to prove why he needs to host a charisma seminar for all new fighters every year, so they don’t all have the personalities of notebook paper. Seriously, if we could bottle the 36-year old’s attitude and ability to speak confidently in public, and inject it into all of the younger fighters, the future of the promotion would be secure for at least 20 years.
As a fan asked Sonnen if he’s a prankster behind the scenes, it was pretty clear that the light heavyweight was just waiting for an opportunity to mention that his contract is up so he could unleash his hilarious contract demands that he jokingly claimed to have texted to UFC President Dana White. And I’m glad that he dodged the question and did his own thing, because it was well worth it.
“You know what? Dana White thought I was pranking him the other day, and I wasn’t. I was being quite serious. My contract with the UFC has expired, so I went to Dana White and I went to him with a list of my demands because he’s getting my contract together. He thought this was a gag, but I was being serious, because it’s not all about money with me.
“So here’s what I said to Dana – it’s a private text message, but I’m gonna read this. It says, ‘Dana, my manager said you guys talked and are getting a deal together for me. I think you should be aware of my demands. First, Jello Biafra replaces Bruce Buffer as ring announcer. You guys know who that is? All right. Secondly, every fight I’m in must be a No. 1 contender fight or a title match. If I lose, I get an immediate rematch until I win. No media can look me in the eye, or they will be removed from the room. And I’m gonna add people from Oklahoma to that list.
(No clue what happened to No. 4, unless the joke about Oklahoma was No. 4, in which case carry on.)
“‘Number 5: Headset legalized through the commission so I can call my own fights. Number 6: No longer will I walk to the ring, I need to be carried. Number 7: Keys to your least favorite Ferrari — I’m not asking too much. Number 8: I can Skype or FaceTime my fights if I don’t feel like flying. Number 9 — and it’s non-negotiable: Tell GSP to stop being such a dick. I’ll return his truck when I’m done with it.’
“See, I’m not all about money, people. There’s more to these contracts. They’re very sophisticated.”
Haha, that Chael Sonnen is quite the comedian. But seriously, make No. 5 happen immediately.