The Best And Worst Of Impact Wrestling 7/25/13: More Like Law & Odor, Amirite?

By: 07.26.13  •  27 Comments


Sometimes it’s a struggle to calmly and carefully dissect something and explain to the fullest extent possible why it is a flaming pile of Worst. Sometimes I just want to type I HATE THIS PLEASE STOP STOP IT NO REALLY PLEASE over and over and over. Everytime I hear the bonus dungeon level music of the Main Event Mafia I seriously question if this is the week it becomes too much and I have to say no, it is too bad, I cannot make boner jokes about this.

This week we’re told that the Main Event Mafia got to see the fruits of their labour in that a new champion has been crowned. Yes. Really. Taking complete credit for Chris Sabin winning the X-Division title, cashing it in, and “overcoming the odds.”

…I see.

Sting takes to the mic (always a questionable decision at best these days) to say that seeing Chris Sabin win the title was the best night he’s ever had in pro-wrestling (seriously questionable). Great Muta? Naw. Multiple world titles? Nope. A bitchin’ helicopter ride to Vader’s White Castle of Fear? Not even ranked, apparently. But good for you for putting Sabin over in the same breath you buried his entire efforts, and f*ck you for making me say “over” and “bury” in the same sentence.

Everything about this just rubs me the wrong way, which is never a good way to start the show. From Magnus derpin’ and clappin’ in the background, to Chris Sabin pretending that he totally didn’t cheat to win, and this isn’t a hollow victory. And then “decreeing” that he will face the winner of the Ultimate X match, because no one gives a flying f*ck that there’s a general manager there to manage, generally, and make matches, not just let wrestlers do whatever the hell they want. Which….they do, but still. At least pretend to try. Sabin’s a small dude with a big heart or whatever they said about Martin St. Louis every single game of the 2004 Stanley Cup playoffs, but objectively, this is absolutely not making me get behind the twerpiest-looking dude in the company with a busted knee and even more busted personality.

I hate this. Please. Stop. Stop it. No, really. Please.


Best: And YOU get a lawsuit! And YOU get a lawsuit!

Who would have thought “another lawyer but one who looks like Kevin Nash without the shitty attitude/life decisions” would be the saving grace of this opening segment? It’s a harbinger of stupidity for sure, but he makes perfectly valid points AND he’s not yelling at me. +Park to you, sir.

Worst: No really, this is the worst

I took to to make sure I was correct in the fact that there is already a Rampage Jackson shirt, yet Joe Park still doesn’t have one, when I found this:

good lord

I don’t usually directly touch on any of the crummy things that happen off the air, but….jeeeeez.

TNA, you’re The Worst™.

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