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The Best And Worst Of Impact Wrestling 7/25/13: More Like Law & Odor, Amirite?

By 07.26.13

This was a match: Samoa Joe vs. Christopher Daniels

Yes, this…certainly was a match that happened. It wasn’t a best, it wasn’t a worst, but boy howdy the commentary during this was just dreadful. I feel like these two are capable of providing the best opportunity for straight commentary that’s happened on this show, but what are we talking about? Upcoming shows. Hulk Hogan. Lawsuits.

If you really want to make Samoa Joe seem like more than a dude who looks like the penguin when he does the MEM hand gesture (after last week’s screencaps it’s impossible to unsee), explain what he’s doing. Explain why his kicks are so fearsome. Explain what those submissions are doing. Not everyone has been conditioned to know that Joe’s gonna kill you. Explain why. Make him fearsome, and not by drawing a dick on his face or having him threaten to murder people. Show your work, TNA. You have to do it in business, you have to do it in second grade math. Tell me what physical effect a Coquina Clutch has on his opponent. You want submissions to be an important factor in the BFG series? This is your opportunity. He is literally a machine composed entirely of submissions. It shouldn’t be too hard.

Best: AJ Styles vs. Jeff Hardy

Best? I know, right? Me? Besting AJ Styles? Well…kind of. I like how these two match up. It was fun, I wasn’t constantly rolling my eyes at AJ (I was a little, but only sometimes), and I am super digging that calf-killer. It was the best match of the show, and I say that as someone who just splooshed all over the internet about Greg Marasciulo.

And yes, I am intentionally saying his name so I can stop typing Trent Barreta out of habit. If he’s gonna be on my television every week (because he should be on my television every week and I’m gonna keep saying THAT until it happens), I will need the practice.

Worst: AJ Styles must love my Young Bucks shirt…

…’cuz that dude don’t shake hands.

wankity wank

Worst: I hate everything I see, from Bully Ray to Sabin, C.


Sorry, let me expand.

Of all the boneheaded things that have happened, when you start making me pine away for the days when all Jeff Jarrett did was say he was the best and then give himself the belts to prove it, you are doing a bad, bad thing. Chris Sabin shouldn’t technically be champion. Period. Full stop. Out of Bully Ray’s previous title defenses, Bully Ray has used the hammer illegally (or attempted to) once. ONCE. And it was countered. It was countered, stolen, and used by the person you’ve positioned as the top face in the company. Either Bully Ray doesn’t lose the belt because it can’t change hands on a disqualification, or Sabin doesn’t get the belt because he cheated at the first opportunity presented (because that’s what faces do I guess??).

But the ref didn’t see it, Danielle!

Alright. But then why make a big deal of Hogan being the General Manager and having all of this managerial power? All he had to do was say hey, I watched the tapes, and you’re both equally at fault here. You really want the title? I’ll set up the rematch, and I’LL be watching. Boom. Done. Easy peasy. No messing around with lawsuits, no one side over the other, just a manager doing the manager job. Hulk Hogan gets to insert himself into the match, and we all know shoehorning Hogan into things is one of TNA’s faaaavourite things. That opens the door for all kinds of shenanigans during the rematch that can propel the story into multiple directions.

But hey, what do I know. I still watched the whole thing. I guess you continue to make a monkey outta me.

Play us out, kitties.

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