Best: Dolph Ziggler, New Master Of Choreographed Group Fights
Here’s something that doesn’t get typed a lot, but is true: Jinder Mahal is secretly a really good pro wrestler. Sure, I would’ve rather seen Ziggler vs. Slater or Ziggler vs. McIntyre, but Jinder knows what he’s doing, even if the crowd is too far up their own ass to pay attention to it.
I loved the post-match stuff, with Ziggler defeating 3MB in a fight by avoiding/parkouring the shit out of them, which was perfect for a guy who is supposed to be showing off. It was a weird, rare moment of WWE physicality thinking outside the box. There were two big Worsts for me, though:
Worst: I Am Seriously Not Okay With Jesse And Meowth Being Segregated From James
1. Ziggler’s hair is getting blonder and blonder each week, and eventually he’s gonna have normal blonde hair instead of that platinum spaghetti shit we’ve come to know and love. This will soon be the haircut equivalent of losing ‘I Am Perfection.’
2. WWE’s still unnecessarily measuring Ziggler’s crowd response by sending him out alone, then having AJ and Big E Langston show up together later. This is unacceptable. They’re a unit, and I do not want them to have that moment when Dolph says “hey AJ, you’re a trashy whore, only now people are gonna CHEER when I say it!” and they break up. Don’t do that. Ever.
Worst: This Kind Of Shit Is Why I Didn’t Lose My Mind Over Bryan’s Win Last Week
Last week, I wrote about how the Daniel Bryan concussion telegraphed his “big win” over Randy Orton on the next show, and how that sorta took the wind out of my (full) sails. A lot of people agreed with me, but some of you called me a pessimistic asshole for not losing myself in it and loving it. You know, because 12 straight years of saying “Daniel Bryan is the best wrestler in the world and here’s why” is negated by one quarter page about how I wish they’d just been able to finish the first version of that match. ATTN Wrestling Fans: it is okay to sometimes not be 100% happy with what your favorite wrestler is doing or saying. It doesn’t make you “wrong” for liking them or less of a fan, or whatever social hang-up is keeping you from having reasonable opinions about things.
Anyway, I was worried that the aborted finish to the first attempt at the Big Orton Win (and wrestling Randy Orton, period) was going to hurt the INSANE in-ring momentum Bryan had built over the last few months. He ended Raw with a clean, submission victory over Orton last week, which positioned him to continue moving forward and ultimately challenge Cena (or, in a perfect world) Mark Henry for the belt at SummerSlam, right? This week, he’s back to having interpersonal issues with Kane, playing a special guest referee in a match designed to get him booed and eating a post-match RKO from Randy Orton and having to lie there on the mat like a stupid f**king idiot while ‘Voices’ plays. And the dirt sheets post WWE NOW CONSIDERING JOHN CENA VS. MARK HENRY VS. RYBACK INSTEAD OF ANYTHING DANIEL BRYAN-RELATED.
I love you, D-Bry, but right now you are pressing your face into the glass ceiling so hard.
Best: The Kane Bleacher Creature Lives In My House Now
Thank you to Destiny for making the fire explosion noise.
And before you ask, I didn’t get the Team Hell No 2-pack because the Daniel Bryan one 1) doesn’t look anything like him and 2) they got the beard all wrong. They just put Sheamus hair on the bottom of his face.
God, I hope series 2 has a Mark Henry.