Best: Clean Victories Ahoy!
AGAIN with the wrestling!
As bad as the Job Evaluation segment was (and it was epically bad), the rest of Raw was pretty wonderful. Great matches all over the show, an expertly-executed debut and even the bad stuff (Kane/Christian, the Divas match) had great elements (“Michael McGillicutty” and “everything besides the Bellas” respectively). I want more Raws to be like this. I also want Raws to be two hours instead of three, so we can gut the middle and push the ends together.
Orton and Punk was solid. Orton continues his weird trend of putting guys over in an attempt to get us to like him, which I’m hoping started back at the post-Mania Raw when people shat on him so tremendously, and Punk finally gets the main-event spot he never really got when he was WWE Champion for almost two years. You are finally more important than a John Cena promo, Punk, congratulations!
Best: Daniel Bryan Is Opening And Closing Raw, Which Is Pretty Important, Or
Worst: He’s Not Gonna Win, Is He
And, of course, the match ends and Daniel Bryan rushes out to beat up both guys. I don’t ever like when a good guy (Bryan’s still a good guy, right?) jumps people from behind to “make a statement,” but I love the image of Daniel Bryan ending Raw on top of a ladder with the Money in the Bank briefcase as the ULTIMATE ALL-STAR as Orton and Punk lie in his wake. That’s good stuff.
I only hope that Bryan’s surge of momentum doesn’t lead to him taking one of those Benoit “OH NO, I’VE HURT MYSELF AND NOW I’M OUT OF THE MATCH” spots at MITB. There are so many intangibles at work and Raw’s build for guys I love has been so solid — Bryan’s momentum, Henry regularly punking out Cena, and so on — that I’m worried Money In The Bank will be the plot turn for them all. Henry getting Attitude Adjusted AGAINST ALL ODDS, Bryan almost getting the briefcase only to be lazily jump-kicked into Kenny Kingdom by Rob Van Dam, etc.
Regardless, the show began with Bryan small packaging Sheamus and ended with him chanting YES over the dead body of Randy Orton. I’m excited, no matter what happens.
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Night
I would like to think Cristian disappeared when the lights went out because he thought it was Gangrel and he didn’t want to lend him anymore money.
Next, Ryback joins on commentary. “I’m sorry you had to listen to the Bella Twins. It’ll be OK. It gets better.”
I don’t care how great the Wire is, this crowd has convinced me that Baltimore sucks.
Backstage Daniel Bryan is saying, I wanna help, but they have beards.
Vickie gets fired and literally two minutes later we see a MICHAEL MCGILLICUTTY graphic. Show has already started to go to hell.
I have no doubt that the production tech charged with putting up the name graphics will be brought out next week for his job evaluation.
In regards to that last segment in tomorrow’s column, just write: “Brad Maddox is the new GM” and pop up a gif of the Maddox face. I don’t wanna read a goddam word about anything that happened before that. Thanks.
(ed note: here you go)
Brad Maddox had “hello darkness my old friend” running through his head after that announcement
Ever read Dante’s inferno and struggle to imagine the twisted, reprehensible, baleful, sinister three heads of Satan?
Well, there ya go.
Ah, there’s nothing America wants to see in a bad economy like two billionaires and a multi-millionaire humiliate a hardworking widow!
See you next week, everybody.