I watched this video of stupid a-hole parents starting a fight in front of children at a Chuck E. Cheese’s earlier and immediately started looking up real estate on the moon. Sure, it’s a little expensive to live up there and I won’t be able to get any Volcano Tacos from Taco Bell, but I’m told the number of adult women fighting each other while holding their children is significantly lower on the moon. Now, as soon as Kate Upton responds to my invitation, I will be on my way.
As for what’s on TV tonight…
MLB All-Star Game – 7:30 PM ET on Fox
Will the American League be able to reclaim its dominating ways of 1997-2009 and finally defeat the National League for the first time since 2010? Or will the National League go ahead and do the St. Louis Cardinals a solid and once again secure home field advantage in the World Series for the fourth consecutive season. Either way, it’s still so incredibly, mind-numbingly stupid that baseball allows this exhibition game to decide something so crucial to its championship. But keep building that Bud Selig statue, he sure deserves it.
Tour de France: Stage 16 – 8 PM ET on NBC Sports
If NBC Sports hired Kate Upton to stand in front of a camera completely naked instead of showing Tour de France footage, how long would it take for someone to figure out that was happening? I assume that zero people are watching cycling programming as it starts, so my estimate would be, like, 20 minutes before someone was flipping past NBC Sports and said, “Whoa, wait!”