Last November, we compiled a list of things you should never do in an MMA fight. Those things were, to recap:
1. Don’t try to be Bruce Lee, because you are not Bruce Lee.
2. Don’t eat or drink if you’re gonna let somebody punch you in the mouth.
3. Be a good sport, because God (or whoever) is watching.
Thanks to a hat-tip from Leg Kick TKO’s Jessica Hudnall, we’ve decided to expand the list a little. Here are three more things you should never do in an MMA fight, assuming you’re the type who wants to do a good job and isn’t just showing up to get knocked out in your underwear.
1. Don’t die.
James Devine had a fight with Justin Moore in RCF MMA and kicked him so hard he died. Well, he didn’t literally die I guess because they wouldn’t have uploaded the video all nonchalant-like, but man, this is about as dead as you can be without dying.
If I need to rephrase the number, how about “do not get kicked so hard you look like somebody left their real doll in the cage.”
As a bonus, this is easily my new favorite YouTube comment.
2. If you throw up when you get punched, don’t try to catch your mini-barfs as they’re coming out. (Unless you’re gonna use them to punch somebody.)
Here’s a random Tuff-N-Uff amateur fighter getting hit in the face so hard it makes him throw up, but it’s cool, he’s got it, he’s just gonna catch it in his hands. Pretty gross, Tuff-N-Uff guy.
3. And whatever you do, don’t fight a dude named “Boston Salmon.”
And now, the wrath of BOSTON SALMON, a man with a name so awesome it gives him the power to hit a guy twice with the same hand and knock him out. If you get signed to face Boston Salmon and it isn’t just you throwing kicks at a crate of fish, back out … he’s had to live his entire life being named “Boston Salmon” and will hurt you.