Earlier this month we shared with you the disappointing, horrifying story of a Pennsylvania woman who kept her pregnancy a secret, gave birth in a sports bar bathroom and left the child to die in the toilet tank so she could hang out with her friends and watch WWE SummerSlam. It wasn’t a story that called for a lot of jokes, but some of you tried, with lots of “heh, at least SummerSlam was good!” and “why would you let your baby die to watch THE BELLA TWINS wrestle??” stuff. Which is fine, I guess, because you are the comments section of a comedy sports blog and not, say, somebody on TV who influences millions of impressionable yokels.
Speaking of influencing millions of impressionable yokels, here’s Nancy Grace.
If you aren’t familiar with her work, the three things Nancy Grace loves most are (1) pro wrestling tragedies, (2) dead babies, and (3) trash hashtags. Seriously, when Chris Benoit murdered his family and hung himself, Nancy spent about a year and a half uploading videos of herself masturbating to the WWE Encyclopedia. Regarding number two, if a white baby has died in America, Nancy Grace’s spider-sense starts tingling and she DEMANDS JUSTICE, whether there’s justice to be demanded or not. Like, you could show her video of a baby being trampled by a pack of elephants and she’d bring on six different experts to ask whether or not that baby was secretly murdered by its mother.
As for number three, well, Nancy thought the best way to get people talking about a newborn baby smothered in a plastic bag and hidden in a public restroom deserved the hashtag #TOILETBABY. See for yourself:
I guess #TACT and #COMPASSION weren’t catchy enough.
You guys don’t need a paragraph about how you shouldn’t go on TV and encourage outraged people getting their news from Nancy Grace to tweet things with #TOILETBABY on the end of them, right? Because if you do I’ll write it, but Jesus Christ.
[h/t to Bob's]