Best: The Ascension Ceremony
Shit, wait, wrong video.
Best: Everybody Who Has Mattered In The Last 10 Years (That Isn’t Dead) Is Standing In The Ring And All Anybody Wants To Do Is Chant Daniel Bryan
You might not be able to tell if you just watch the WWE Fan Nation video, but WWE filled the ring with 20 former World Heavyweight and WWE Champions. Shawn Michaels was out there, Bret Hart, CM Punk, Booker T, Rey Mysterio, Big show, everybody. The WWE Champion Randy Orton was pleading his case. The World Heavyweight Champion John Cena, the face of the company for the last decade, was reaching one of those really good spots he gets into sometimes where he sounds like he means what he’s saying, which elevates him to one of the best promo men in the business. He gave Orton everything he had, dissecting him personally and professionally. COO and legendary champion Triple H stood between them as Stephanie McMahon, daughter of the guy who made this promotion’s worldwide dominance possible, watched on. Both title belts were hung on a hook and raised up, illustrating the climb these men will have to make to be crowned the undisputed champion of pro wrestling at TLC in one of the biggest matches of all time.
The entire time, all the crowd did was chant “Daniel Bryan.”
This is Daniel Bryan’s real moment to me. Superstar of the Year can be worked. Matches aren’t real. They can make whoever they want a star. Crowds might be chanting “yes” because it’s fun to chant “yes,” not because they like the guy chanting it. But nope, all of that becomes legitimate and undeniable when EVERYTHING ELSE YOU COULD POSSIBLY LIKE ABOUT WWE is in front of you and all you wanna do is chant the name of the 5-foot-nothing former ROH Champion who “looks like a troll” and can’t draw, or whatever.
So yeah, I’m gonna try to be okay with everything. The sub-20-seconds loss at WrestleMania. The several months of screwjob endings he’ll never get revenge for. Getting stuck in a therapy-themed tag team. Whatever. Daniel Bryan is more than a stupid word and an ugly t-shirt with a badly-drawn goat on it. I’ve made peace with it. Glad you got to smile that smile, AmDrag.
Best: THINGS ARE HAPPENING, WHAT
The rest of the ending was RANDOMLY EXCITING, with everybody kinda hitting everybody and everything getting set up for later. I’m issue a tentative WAIT AND SEE WHERE IT GOES warning for this, because it’s perfectly reasonable to wait and see where it goes on Friday and Sunday. If it goes to Triple H winning the belts himself (which it will), so be it. But even if you go somewhere stupid, roll my ass there in an exciting-looking wagon.
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week
“That’s where you’re mistaken, John. I haven’t been handed shit. I hand other people shit. In bags of varying sizes. Sometimes in handbags, sometimes in sandwich bags, but make no mistake about it. If anyone is going to hand a bag of shit to someone, it’s going to be me.” – Randy Orton
The 12th man is in action forcing Trips to burn a timeout.
Thrice in a Lifetime/ Talent flowing underground.
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Awww yessss, most extreme moment! A wrestler beatin’ up a dude that isn’t a wrestler! *shredding guitar solo* *’72 firebird burn out*
Now Foley needs to tell Punk he’s gotta GTS Heyman at WrestleMania or it doesn’t count!
hey guys remember when i legit died in front of all of you ROFL #YOLO
The Deposed Knave of Bel-Air
In a dark room all by himself, Dean Ambrose tearfully destroys his “SIERRA UNIFORM MIKE MIKE ECHO ROMEO – JULIET ALPHA MIKE ZULU” mixtape.
I figured it out. Sin Cara is a wrestling hipster. The lighting is the closest he can get to having his matches on instagram.
A microcosm of the year would have D-Bry winning this award, only to have The Authority come out to say there was a glitch in the voting and that Randy Orton really won it. Then Big Show comes out to defend Daniel Bryan, but kinda ignores him as D-Bry just wanders slowly offstage. Then John Cena shows up for no reason, HHH and Stephanie are like, “Hey maybe there was a tie! Would you fans like to see Randy Orton and John Cena both be Superstar of the Year? Cheer for them, but really we know it’s for us!” And then that’s it.
Nikki: “Are You saying BOO or BOO-ella?”
I was saying Boo-ella. Thanks everybody, see you on Sunday for TLC.
I want more like this!
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