Best: Ain’t nobody got time for that
Let’s break down all of the amazing things in this video:
1) Angry German Gut Check guy we’ll probably never see again getting to yell stuff in German
2) Mr. Anderson getting knocked the eff out
3) Samuel Shaw just nonchalantly picking up an unconscious staff member and walking away with her
4) Jeremy Borash’s only response being all man what is UP with that dude?
5) Literally no one gives a f-ck about the dude with the psycho jerk-off mannequin casually carting away the lady he likes to smell a lot
6) Oh man, how confused must that German fellow be
7) Probably the most confused
8) Now that Hemme is incapacitated, do we get a sexy slow-pan up Jeremy Borash’s pant leg?
Worst: Bobby Roode? More like Bobby BOOOOOOOO…de
Admittedly I haven’t been the biggest fans of Bad Influence lately, and rightly so because they have been the loose butthole all over the place. But here they are, like none of that ever happened, super stoked that Bobby Roode gets a chance at an ownership stake, ready to be BFF IN A STEEL CAGE and make sure he gets the win. Bobby Roode is all “guys I can’t just put my friends in the match why don’t you prove you can be in it” because he doesn’t understand that the allegiances are already clearly and logically divided and #TeamDixie is already a thing and because oh my god this Bobby Roode suuuuuuucks.
A Thing that Happened: Bad Influence vs. The Wolves of Indeterminate Heritage
I feel like I’ve been writing the column long enough to know when most people will violently disagree with my opinions, or have the opposite reaction to what I’ve written. And I think this is one of those times. This is also when I can recognize that I am the worst person, because I am SO PREACHY about indie wrestling. Just holy sugar I can’t walk into this match without prejudice.
The good news is that the match is alright, and in reality the best one on the show, and if you enjoyed it, there are like 100 dudes and ladies working independently who are going to blow your f-cking mind out. The bad news is that we’re finally getting to the point where my vitriol for these two isn’t just contained in one or little quips here and there. I need to be objective and put all of my past opinions on Davey Richards being an unprofessional psycho garbage baby that doesn’t understand that wrestling is fake, but it’s real hard. Real real hard. We’ve walked into my wheelhouse, and it is full of fairly mean things to say about The Wolves: Origins Undetermined.
And I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to talk about how boring Eddie Edwards is, or how much I hate their double stomps, or their stupid howl, or how it’s complete mystery that people cream their jeans for Eddie Edwards when he is the most whitebread motherf-cker, and makes baby Bob Backlund look like goddamn Raven. See? This is already so much negativity. And that’s no fun at all.
I will say that a) to his credit, Davey Richards has been very nice to my dearest darling dudes in St. Louis Anarchy, and I appreciate that. I will also say b) I have enjoyed exactly one Davey Richards match, and shockingly, it was against Davey Vega, because Vega rules, and is somehow already a million times better than when that match took place. C) I’m kinda bummed that because of TNA this won’t happen, and now Roderick Strong is on the card because that dude is the dirt worst. The good news is that Gary Jay is gonna turn Roddy’s chest into hamburger meat. Oh, hey, also, go to that SLA show if you can because it will be way better than anything we’ve seen on this show.
Sigh. I guess at this point I’m stuck with them, and I should commit to saying one positive thing about them each week to balance things out.
….starting next week.