Worst: Oh look, another EC3 promo that isn’t on YouTube
They improve the quality of my life. He is great. Literally no one cares about Gunner. Fix your priorities, Impact.
Worst: Oh look, AN ENTIRE EC3 match that isn’t on YouTube
Look, Steve, I get it. You gotta know when to hold ‘em, and know when to fold ‘em. Know when to walk away, and know when you’re going to make a lady who writes about your show on the internet hella pouty in real life. This is that time.
Sigh. Kenny Rogers wouldn’t do me like that.
Worst: Literally no one cares about Gunner
Best: This is meaningless, but look at his happy baby smile!
Angle looks genuinely happy, and I’m not made of stone. Even if Kurt has zero idea of when to fold ‘em, I am a Kurt Angle fan at heart, and I like when people I like get to be for real happy.
SUPER NO VACANCY Best: The Internet is always right, and by the internet, I mean everything I have to say about EC3
YES TO ALL OF THIS.
It appears that some people are still not sold on EC3. For those of you who are new to the report (hi new friends!), I cannot express to you enough how into Mr. The Third I am. Yes, he is an unnaturally charismatic, handsome, and in-shape human with the style of C-Tates and the hair of a certified dreamboat, but to leave it at that, or assume that is the only reason I continue to write glowing paragraphs about him is downright foolish.
A lot of the struggle I have in writing about Impact is that as much as I should be approaching it as a standalone wrestling universe, it unfortunately does not exist in a vacuum. For instance, this show went head to head with the WWE Network’s first NXT special, specifically Antonio Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn. Would I much rather be writing my guts out over two indie-bred guys wrestling to the best of their incredible abilities (which are vast), telling a complete story, building off of every past match they’ve had on some crazy Tiger Mask-Dynamite Kid trip, and making me feel like I basically need to lie down forever? Oh jeepers, of course I would. Is watching Samoa Joe punch like I pretend to punch in any way going to stack up against that? No. In the grand scheme of wrestling as a whole and complete entity, is a “fun” or “decent” TNA match going to hold up? No. It’s not. But I want it to, and when it doesn’t, it’s extra frustrating.
When you take a step back and look at the scope of the current, say, North American wrestling scene (because we don’t need like seven different Sailor Moon heart-eyed gifs over Okada in this report), there are some really amazing things happening. Weighing something in TNA against any of those is a dangerous game, like hunting men for sport, or drunk UNO. Determining what is a Best when you know very well that if you plucked that thing out of the sucking vacuum of Impact, it wouldn’t work at all, is p. hard.
When something works, however, it really is the best. And that’s where EC3 comes in. His promos, the continuing narrative of his dysfunctional relationship with Magnus, little looks here and there, it can work on any stage. The versatility to move between humour and serious, calculating deliveries is a vastly underrepresented skill on Impact, and you need that to put on a compelling, entertaining show. That kind of skill raises up the people around you, unlike just saying you’re going to murder someone with a hammer, or choke someone out, or then murder someone with something else, and having your whole character be angry dude who wants to murder something (seriously can we cool it with the murderkilling threats thanks). He makes people around him more likeable. I am hella #TeamDixie, and a good 73% of that is him. (21% of that is currently his hair, but I’m only human, and also really really bad at math.) Were wrestling a game of chess, he would be a queen piece, able to move in any direction. And yes, Ethan Carter III, the Queen of Wrestling is a thing that makes me giggle about as much as you’d expect.
I guess to further break this down, I am Lisa Simpson, TNA is Ralph, and EC3 is well-read and a little bit wild (and young):
Ohh, if only someone could tame him.