Worst: Hey, do you like crummy wrestles and uncomfortable transphobic commentary?
Yeah? Then get the f*ck outta this report, Tazz.
Worst: On Thursdays we wear grey
When Mr. Anderson is the voice of reason, you need to step back, look at your life, look at your choices. It’s at this point in the show when, after Tazz’s comments and this big boy fight over who gets to wear that shirt on TV and Christy Hemme’s “availability,” my first instinct is to grab Team Dixie and EC3’s blazers, send them to stay with their moms, then burn this sh*theap to the ground.
Best: Black and white winter hymnal
I think the only thing in this ridiculousness that would tickle my fancy harder is if the umbrella flew out of his hands, and he had to chase it into the next room, surprising Fleet Foxes as they recorded their new album.
Come down from the mountain, Jeff, you have been gone too long (and it’s made you crazeballs).
Best: Austin Aries where are your pants
So Austin Aries was heavily courted during the course of the show (because people build bad teams and make bad decisions on Impact), which leads to Bobby Roode vs. MVP to determine who will win the heart of the fair maiden going into their Lethal Lockdown match. Austin Aries made himself the special guest referee so he could turn on MVP and reunite Team Boy BFF, and he did it all while wearing this:
I took roughly sixteen screencaps of this for no other reason than I could, and laughed until I cried. Twice. I’m pretty sure this match was hot garbage, but…but…just look at him! You can’t put on kneepads to counteract the fact that when you put on regular people clothing it makes your big boy wrestling panties look…well, like big boy wrestling panties? Why didn’t Steve just grab him some tearaways? What is even happening on this show?
Tune in next week when we answer literally none of these questions!