The Best and Worst of Impact Wrestling 2/6/14: I Can Put My Arm Back On, You Can’t

By: 02.07.14

Worst: Um…

…and yet, still, Dixie is the problem? Oh MVP, you have some deeply f-cked up priorites, sir.

Brandon’s Guest Worst: The STJoe

I’m sure I’ve written about it before, but the “STJoe” has got to be the worst move in wrestling. I’m talking Broski Boot levels of bad. The worst thing you can do is set up your moveset so that it requires whomever you’re wrestling to not only do all the work, but do all the work out of character. How many times have we seen somebody who NEVER, EVER charges into the corner with a running, jumping move suddenly think it’s a great idea to run and jump at Joe in the corner? How many times? It’s like watching Nitro and being all, “oh look, Rey Mysterio’s gonna try to powerbomb Billy Kidman even though he’s never thrown a powerbomb in his f*cking life.”

The actual Roode/Joe #1 contender match isn’t bad necessarily, but if we’re giving Joe another one of those “he’s a guy who’s been around for a long time and all our ex-WWE options have dried up” pushes, we need more than “he’s mad at another authority figure” to light a fire under him. I believe Joe’s still got it in him to get his shit together and be one of the better wrestlers on Impact — not the world anymore, mind you, but Impact — he’s just so synonymous right now with stunted, aimless TNA water-treading that everything he does seems rehashed and boring, whether it is or not.

Think about it. When was the last time Joe honestly had a story dedicated to him that wasn’t centered around him wanting to “take out” somebody and/or be a complete psychopath? Every year or so he gets shuffled into whatever super team is feuding with whatever super team, and he’s supposed to be important but he’s mostly just the fourth best guy, throwing bad enzuigiris and corner STOs while guys like Sting or Angle win championships. If we’re truly moving in a new direction, we need to put Joe on a purposeful, growth-conducive path to not only success, but personal worth.

A path to success, and also probably a treadmill. I’ve played Fire Pro enough to know Joe’s leaning on that “stamina” button a little too long.

Worst: Montel Vontavious Party Pooper

Okay. So. …okay. All of my feelings on what Dixie has been doing lately aside, and I do mean that, I’m…terribly confused. This is either the most shockingly accurate skewering of Vince McMahon TNA has ever attempted, or we’re actually supposed to get behind someone who has initiated a hostile takeover in the name of wrestlers who, at the end of the day, take spots and opportunities from younger, hungrier, talented wrestlers who don’t get a chance because Kurt Angle decided that he needed another chance to permanently disable himself? You bring two of the arguably biggest draws on most indie shows with you, and all they get to do is make weird videos and take their jackets off instead of booking them into matches?

Give me my independent wrestling mecca or give me the tyranny of Dixie (and maybe an EC3 title reign pretty please), but don’t give me this “for the boys” BS. I will wait and see, but oh boy will it be begrudging.

Best: Happy early Valentine’s Day everybody


H/T to Dave for sending us this magnificence.

sobbing rn

Worst: Still :(

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