Here Is Everything You Need To Gamble Away Your Money On The 2014 Winter Olympics

While the opening ceremonies of the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi won’t begin until tomorrow at 11 AM ET, which is like March 2017 in Sochi or something, the games are already underway. That’s not good news for the gamblers out there, because if you haven’t already placed your bets on all of the big events and competitions, then you’re in crunch time right now. But don’t panic. Even though I know absolutely nothing about gambling and often give terrible advice, I’ve got all of your big wagering chances in one handy list right here.

The folks at Bovada have pretty much made it so people can better on everything at the Winter Olympics, from which country will have the most medals to how many toilets will be clogged by people who didn’t read the bathroom notice that CLEARLY tells them not to flush soiled toilet paper, and instead place it in the proper tiny trash receptacle. Can I bet on how many times someone vomits on that? I’ll take the over.

(My picks are in bold. Spoiler: I only pick Americans. And if you think this is a lot of information to take in, know that Bovada has way more to bet on for the Olympics than this.)

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Most Gold Medals

Norway 6/5
USA 5/2
Germany 7/1
Russia 9/1
Canada 9/1
Austria 40/1
South Korea 40/1
China 40/1
France 50/1
Sweden 50/1
Switzerland 50/1
Netherlands 100/1

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Most Overall Medals

USA 1/1
Norway 9/5
Germany 5/1
Russia 13/2
Canada 16/1
Austria 80/1
South Korea 80/1
China 80/1
France 100/1
Sweden 100/1
Switzerland 150/1
Netherlands 150/1

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Total Number of Gold Medals – USA

Over 10 1/2 (-180, 5/9)
Under 10 1/2 (+150, 3/2)

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Total Number of Gold Medals – Canada

Over 9 1/2 (+120, 6/5)
Under 9 1/2 (-150, 2/3)

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Total Number of Gold Medals – Norway

Over 11 1/2 (-150, 2/3)
Under 11 1/2 (+120, 6/5)

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Total Number of Gold Medals – Germany

Over 10 1/2 (+220, 11/5)
Under 10 1/2 (-300, 1/3)

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Total Number of Gold Medals – Russia

Over 10 1/2 (+200, 2/1)
Under 10 1/2 (-275, 4/11)

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Who will have more medals

USA 1/3
Canada 3/1
Tie 9/1

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Who will have more Gold Medals

USA 1/3
Canada 4/1
Tie 6/1

2014 Olympic Ice Hockey – Women’s Gold Medal

Canada Women 5/6
USA Women 10/11
Finland Women 18/1
Russia Women 22/1
Sweden Women 25/1
Switzerland Women 50/1
Germany Women 100/1
Japan Women 150/1

2014 Olympic Ice Hockey – Men’s Gold Medal

Canada 2/1
Russia 9/4
Sweden 9/2
USA 6/1
Finland 11/1
Czech Republic 12/1
Switzerland 33/1
Slovakia 40/1
Norway 200/1
Latvia 400/1
Austria 1000/1
Slovenia 1000/1

2014 Olympic Ice Hockey – Men’s Group A Winner

Russia 1/2
USA 7/4
Slovakia 9/1
Slovenia 100/1

2014 Olympic Ice Hockey – Men’s Group B Winner

Canada 1/7
Finland 7/2
Norway 50/1
Austria 100/1

2014 Olympic Ice Hockey – Men’s Group C Winner

Sweden 1/2
Czech Republic 2/1
Switzerland 7/1
Latvia 80/1

2014 Olympic Ice Hockey Men – Group Parlays (Parlay of who will win each group)

Russia, Canada & Sweden 3/2
USA, Canada & Sweden 15/4
Russia, Canada & Czech Republic 15/4
USA, Canada & Czech Republic 8/1
Russia, Finland & Sweden 9/1
USA, Finland & Sweden 16/1
Russia, Finland & Czech Republic 18/1
USA, Finland & Czech Republic 33/1

2014 Olympic Ice Hockey Men’s – Will Canada Win A Medal?

Yes -400 (1/4)
No +275 (11/4)

2014 Olympic Ice Hockey Men’s – Will Russia Win A Medal?

Yes -300 (1/3)
No +220 (11/5)

2014 Olympic Ice Hockey Men’s – Will Sweden Win A Medal?

Yes -150 (2/3)
No +120 (6/5)

2014 Olympic Ice Hockey Men’s – Will USA Win A Medal?

Yes EVEN (1/1)
No -130 (10/13)

2014 Olympic Ice Hockey Men’s – Will Finland Win A Medal?

Yes +175 (7/4)
No -225 (4/9)

2014 Olympic Ice Hockey Men’s – Will Czech Republic Win A Medal?

Yes +175 (7/4)
No -225 (4/9)

2014 Olympic Ice Hockey Men’s – Will Slovakia Win A Medal?

Yes +475 (19/4)
No -800 (1/8)

2014 Olympic Ice Hockey Men’s – Will Switzerland Win A Medal?

Yes +475 (19/4)
No -800 (1/8)

2014 Olympic Ice Hockey – Men’s Top Goalscorer

Alex Ovechkin (RUS) 6/1
Steven Stamkos (CAN) 8/1
Sidney Crosby (CAN) 9/1
Patrick Kane (USA) 10/1
John Tavares (CAN) 11/1
Iilya Kovalchuk (RUS) 12/1
Evgeni Malkin (RUS) 12/1
Rick Nash (CAN) 14/1
Daniel Sedin (SWE) 14/1
Corey Perry (CAN) 14/1
Zach Parise (USA) 14/1
Alexander Steen (SWE) 16/1
Joe Pavelski (USA) 18/1
Phil Kessel (USA) 18/1
Ryan Getzlaf (CAN) 20/1
Jeff Carter (CAN) 20/1
Henrik Zetterberg (SWE) 20/1
Chris Kunitz (CAN) 20/1
Marian Hossa (SLO) 22/1
Alexander Radulov (RUS) 22/1
Loui Eriksson (SWE) 25/1
Nicklas Backstrom (SWE) 25/1
Jonathan Toews (CAN) 25/1
Patrick Sharp (CAN) 25/1
Matt Duchene (CAN) 28/1
Jussi Jokinen (FIN) 28/1
Henrik Sedin (SWE) 28/1
Pavel Datsyuk (RUS) 28/1
Marian Gaborik (SLO) 30/1
Tomas Plekanec (CZE) 30/1

2014 Olympic MVP

Alexander Ovechkin (RUS) 7/1
Sidney Crosby (CAN) 7/1
Patrick Kane (USA) 10/1
Evgeni Malkin (RUS) 12/1
Henrik Lundqvist (SWE) 15/1
Henrik Zetterberg (SWE) 15/1
Zach Parise (USA) 18/1
Tuukka Rask (FIN) 18/1
Ryan Miller (USA) 18/1
Ilya Kovalchuk (RUS) 20/1
Roberto Luongo (CAN) 20/1
Jonathan Quick (USA) 25/1
Jonathan Toews (CAN) 25/1
Steven Stamkos (CAN) 25/1
Semyon Varlamov (RUS) 25/1
Carey Price (CAN) 30/1
Pavel Datsyuk (RUS) 30/1
Phil Kessel (USA) 30/1
John Tavares (CAN) 30/1
Sergei Bobrovsky (RUS) 35/1
Erik Karlsson (SWE) 40/1
Antti Niemi (FIN) 40/1
Niklas Backstrom (FIN) 40/1
Henrik Sedin (SWE) 40/1
Ryan Getzlaf (CAN) 40/1
Ryan Kesler (USA) 40/1
Daniel Sedin (SWE) 40/1
Corey Perry (CAN) 40/1
Patrick Sharp (CAN) 50/1
Daniel Alfredsson (SWE) 50/1
J. Pavelski (USA) 50/1
Marian Hossa (SLO) 50/1
David Krejci (CZE) 50/1
Alexander Steen (SWE) 75/1
Marian Gaborik (SLO) 75/1
Rick Nash (CAN) 75/1
Loui Eriksson (SWE) 90/1
Mikko Koivu (FIN) 90/1
Valtteri Filppula (FIN) 100/1
Jaromír Jágr (CZE) 100/1
Jussi Jokinen (FIN) 150/1
Teemu Selanne (FIN) 150/1

Who will score more goals at the 2014 Winter Olympics for Canada?

Steven Stamkos (CAN) 15/4
Sidney Crosby (CAN) 4/1
John Tavares (CAN) 9/2
Rick Nash (CAN) 11/2
Corey Perry (CAN) 6/1
Chris Kunitz (CAN) 8/1
Jeff Carter (CAN) 8/1
Ryan Getzlaf (CAN) 8/1
Jonathan Toews (CAN) 10/1
Matt Duchene (CAN) 10/1

The only reason I picked Stamkos is because I assume that this girl will show up to cheer him on:

Tournament Progress – Canada

Winner 2/1
Runners Up 11/4
3rd Place 7/2
4th Place 5/1
Eliminated in Quarter Final 13/2
Eliminated in Qualification Playoff 35/1

Who will score more goals at the 2014 Winter Olympics?

Patrick Kane (USA) 3/2
Zach Parise (USA) 9/4
Joe Pavelski (USA) 3/1
Phil Kessel (USA) 3/1

Tournament Progress – USA

Winner 6/1
Runners Up 4/1
3rd Place 4/1
4th Place 7/2
Eliminated in Quarter Final 11/5
Eliminated in Qualification Playoff 12/1

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Jamaica Bobsleigh Specials – To Win A Medal (2 Man)

Yes 50/1

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Jamaica Bobsleigh Specials – To Finish In Top 25 (2 Man)

Yes -130 (10/13)
No EVEN (1/1)

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Jamaica Bobsleigh Specials – To Finish In Top 10 (2 Man)

Yes +900 (9/1)
No -2800 (1/28)

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Jamaica Bobsleigh Specials – To Crash The Bobsleigh (2 Man)

Yes +300 (3/1)
No -500 (1/5)

Honestly, if you’re looking to gamble on the Jamaican bobsleigh team, take the “No” option on all of them, because the guys can’t even practice thanks to the airline losing their luggage. In case you’re not following along, THE SOCHI OLYMPICS ARE A DISASTER.

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Bobsleigh – Two Man – Women’s

Humphries/Moyse (CAN 1) 1/1
Meyers/Evans (USA 1) 11/5
Kiriasis/Fritz (GER 3) 6/1
Greubel/Williams (USA 2) 8/1
Schneiderheinze/Schneider (GER 2) 12/1
Martini/Senkel (GER 1) 14/1
Meyer/Mayer (SUI 1) 14/1
Kamphuis/Vis (NED) 28/1
Stulneva/Udobkina (RUS 1) 33/1
Fenlator/Jones (USA 3) 40/1
Willemsen/Marien (BEL) 66/1
Ciochetti/Valois (CAN 2) 100/1
Walker/Wilson (GBR) 100/1

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Curling – Men’s Winner

Canada 2/3
Sweden 9/2
Great Britain 11/2
Norway 9/1
Switzerland 11/1
Denmark 25/1
China 33/1
Germany 50/1
USA 50/1
Russia 80/1

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Curling – Women’s Winner

Canada Women 7/5
Sweden Women 15/8
Great Britain Women 11/4
Switzerland Women 14/1
USA Women 18/1
China Women 22/1
Russia Women 25/1
Denmark Women 33/1
Japan Women 66/1
South Korea Women 66/1

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Snowboarding – Men’s Slopestyle

Mark McMorris 7/2
Maxence Parrot 5/1
Roope Tonteri 9/1
Staale Sandbech 10/1
Billy Morgan 11/1
Sven Thorgen 12/1
Sage Kotsenberg 14/1
Chas Guldemond 14/1
Janne Korpi 14/1
Sebastien Toutant 14/1
Yuuki Kadono 16/1
Peetu Piiroinen 20/1
Gjemund Braaten 25/1
Seppe Smits 25/1
Jamie Nichols 30/1
Ryan Stassel 40/1
Charles Reid 40/1

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Snowboarding – Women’s Slopestyle

Jamie Anderson 5/2
Spencer O’Brien 4/1
Sarka Pancochova 5/1
Silje Norendal 5/1
Torah Bright 9/1
Christy Prior 14/1
Cheryl Maas 16/1
Jenna Blasman 16/1
Jenny Jones 16/1
Merike Enne 20/1
Shelly Gotlien 20/1
Sina Candrian 20/1
Elena Koenz 20/1
Kjersti Buaas 30/1
Isabel Derungs 30/1
Karly Shorr 30/1
Ty Walker 30/1
Stefi Luxton 40/1
Anna Gasser 40/1
Aimee Fuller 50/1
Katie Ormerod 50/1
Rebecca Torr 50/1

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Snowboarding – Men’s Halfpipe

Shaun White 2/5
Yuri Podladchikov 6/1
Danny Davis 7/1
Peetu Piirooinen 14/1
Taylor Gold 16/1
Taku Hiraoka 14/1
Nathan Johnstone 25/1
Gregory Bretz 12/1
Markus Malin 40/1
Brad Martin 66/1
Kent Callister 80/1
Scott James 50/1
Seamus O’Connor 100/1

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Speed Skating – 1000m Men

Shani Davis 1/1
Brian Hansen 7/2
Stefan Groothuis 8/1
Tae-Bum Mo 10/1
Denis Kuzin 10/1
Jamie Gregg 12/1
Mark Tuitert 14/1
Michel Mulder 14/1
Denny Morrison 16/1
Haralds Silvos 20/1
Mitchell Whitmore 25/1
Samuel Schwartz 26/1
Zbigniew Brodka 30/1

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Speed Skating – 1500m Men’s

Shani Davis 11/4
Denis Yuskov 4/1
Koen Vermeij 6/1
Brian Hansen 6/1
Ivan Skobrev 9/1
Bart Swings 12/1
Sven Kramer 12/1
Zbigniew Brodka 14/1
Joey Mantia 14/1
Denny Morrison 14/1
Havard Bokko 14/1
Mark Tuitert 16/1
Stefan Groothuis 16/1

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Figure Skating – Pairs

Volosozhar/Trankov 1/2
Savchenko/Szolkowy 2/1
Pang/Tong 14/1
Duhamel/Radford 20/1
Moore-Towers/Moscovitch 33/1
Peng/Zhang 40/1
Bazarova/Larionov 50/1
Berton/Hotarek 100/1
James/Cipres 150/1

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Figure Skating – Men’s Winner

Patrick Chan 1/2
Yuzuru Hanyu 2/1
Daisuke Takahashi 11/1
Denis Ten 16/1
Javier Fernandez 22/1
Tatsuki Machida 28/1
Maxim Kovtun 33/1
Michal Brezina 33/1
Brian Joubert 50/1
Jason Brown 50/1
Yan Han 50/1
Florent Amodio 100/1
Alexander Majorov 150/1

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Figure Skating – Ice Dance Winner

Davis/White 1/2
Virtue/Moir 3/2
Ilinykh/Katsalapov 20/1
Pechelat/Bourzat 20/1
Bobrova/Soloviev 20/1
Cappellini/Lanotte 100/1
Clock/Bates 150/1
Coomes/Buckland 250/1
Carron/Jones 250/1
Paul/Islam 250/1

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Figure Skating – Women’s Winner

Yuna Kim 5/6
Mao Asada 9/4
Carolina Kostner 8/1
Julia Lipnitskaia 8/1
Kanako Murikami 12/1
Ashley Wagner 18/1
Adelina Sotnikova 20/1
Akiko Suzuki 25/1
Gracie Gold 25/1
Polina Edmunds 33/1
Li Zijun 50/1
Valentina Marchei 80/1

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Alpine Skiing – Men’s Downhill Winner

Aksel Lund Svindal 2/1
Erik Guay 13/2
Bode Miller 11/2
Christof Innerhofer 9/1
Patrick Kueng 12/1
Dominik Paris 16/1
Werner Heel 16/1
Kjetil Jansrud 16/1
Klaus Kroell 16/1
Peter Fill 16/1
Adrian Theaux 16/1
Max Franz 16/1
Beat Feuz 20/1
Dider Defago 25/1
Johan Clarey 33/1
Joachim Puchner 33/1
Georg Streitberger 33/1
Jan Hudec 40/1

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Alpine Skiing – Men’s Super G Winner

Aksel Lund Svindal 10/11
Bode Miller 3/1
Hannes Reichelt 12/1
Erik Guay 16/1
Ted Ligety 16/1
Christof Innerhofer 18/1
Kjetil Jansrud 20/1
Patrick Kueng 20/1
Adrian Theaux 20/1
Didier Defago 20/1
Slovenia Women 20/1
Klaus Kroell 22/1
Georg Streitberger 25/1
Peter Fill 25/1
Max Franz 25/1
Matthias Mayer 25/1
Joachim Puchner 25/1
Alexis Pinturault 28/1
Beat Feuz 28/1
Jan Hudec 33/1
Carlo Janka 33/1
Johan Clarey 33/1
Werner Heel 40/1
Manuel Osborne-Paradis50/1
Romed Baumann 50/1
Matteo Marsaglia 50/1

2014 Winter Olympics (Sochi, Russia) – Alpine Skiing – Men’s Giant Slalom Winner

Ted Ligety 11/10
Marcel Hircher 7/4
Felix Neureuther 8/1
Alexis Pinturault 8/1
Thomas Fanara 14/1
Bode Miller 25/1
Aksel Lund Svindal 28/1
Phillipp Schoerghofer 40/1
Stefan Luitz 40/1
Fritz Dopfer 40/1
Manfred Moelegg 40/1
Benjamin Raich 50/1
Kjetil Jansrud 50/1

In conclusion, USA.

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