The Best And Worst Of Impact Wrestling: Heathcliff, It's Me, Jeff Hardy

By: 03.21.14


Worst: Ching Chong Bing Bong Burrito

Also not on YouTube: The two minute segment entirely devoted to The BroMans making fun of Tigre Uno and Sanada for being foreign and supposedly not speaking English, and saying a bunch of non-English words because saying arrevederci to a fellow from Mexico is HI-larious. Nothing says heyday of TNA like wholly unnecessary racism!

Early prediction: The BroMans drop the tag titles by getting caught on a flash pin they didn’t see coming because they were too busy making “slant eyes.”

Worst: A means to an end

The only reason I’m bothering to mention this snooze-fest is that it’s supposedly Tapa’s last match, which is pertinent to the show as a whole. It’s even confirmed on TH’DIRTSHEETZ, sandwiched right between WHO SHELLEY MARTINEZ IS DATING NOW and CHRIS BENOIT: IS HE INNOCENT?

Crack job, wrestling journos.

Best: Holy sugar can we just take a minute for this

MVP needs someone to handcuff to Abyss, so he approaches Willow in the rafters I guess? to ask him to step in.

I CANNOT stress enough why it is worth it to sit through the veritable dumpster fire of a show that is Impact Wrestling. Even though we’ve been exiled from Dixieland, Willow moments are not on YouTube, but are i n c r e d i b l e. Just shouting nonsense in his spooky voice and then suddenly alternating to the chorus of Wuthering Heights and HOLD UP JUST RELEASED EC3 HAS A SECRET ABOUT WILLOW STOP EVERYTHING LET’S WATCH THIS TOGETHER NOW

……precious and perfect.

Worst: The Beautiful People, take 37

I am sadly well-versed in Beautiful People Canon, so I’m already squicky on all three of these ladies being happy to see one another right off the bat. I will acknowledge that Madison Rayne makes a valid point in bringing up that the Beautiful People treated her poorly, but she also did get her revenge with that whole “I guess Tara and Madison have motorcycles and are gay now?” storyline. And we all know revenge negates established facts because that’s what wrestling teaches us. It’s well within reason that she should be reticent to have anything to do with Angelina Love, but Velvet Sky jumping on board? Really?

Girl, you need to read your own damn Wikipedia. Or watch some DVDs. Or use your brain because you were there you of all people should know what happened oh my god what is even the point of any of this

Best: Just like meeeee


sad love

Worst: I don’t know what’s more depressing

This picture of Angelina Love, the comment section of a Funky Winterbean strip, or the website entirely devoted to photoshopping female wrestler’s heads onto the bodies of foot fetish models I found at 5am while searching for a comparison picture of Angelina.

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