Worst: Nope, Don’t Care
Ever since Cena/Wyatt became about [slow exhale]…John Cena’s Legacy I’ve had just about zero interest in this feud. It doesn’t help that I’m pretty much done with Bray Wyatt promos in general. Yeah, sometimes Wyatt pulls off a creepy turn of phrase, but his promos aren’t about anything. When Wyatt first showed up on the main roster I criticized his promos for just being collections of scary words, and months later they haven’t progressed an inch. Producing random litanies of vague creepiness isn’t hard. Here, I’ll write a Bray Wyatt promo…
“Your parents always told you the Boogie Man wasn’t real, but you need to open your eyes man — there are worse demons lurking in the dark! Demons like me who will eat your soul and drink your tears and throw open the doors of a new reality! Ohhhh my stars and garters! Chikara reference, crab walk, 60s pop standard lyrics, follow the buzzards!”
You’re free to use that one Bray.
To all the Bray fans typing up their furious comments as we speak, listen, I can understand how you’d be invested in this character if you followed him from day one in NXT. This guy used to be Husky freakin’ Harris. He pulled off an impressive transformation, but now he has to go further unless “dumpy Kane” is all he aspires to.
Bray is supposed to be a cult leader, right? Tell me what this cult believes in. Tell me what his goals are. That’s the difference between, say, The Straight Edge Society, and The Wyatts — Punk had a set of beliefs and his feuds grew in a natural, satisfying manner out of conflicts with people who offended those beliefs. When Bray has something meaningful to chew on, like say his battle for three-man unit supremacy with The Shield, things work, but when he doesn’t, he’s lost at sea. He needs a guiding philosophy to anchor him. Honestly, I hope Bray steps things up to the next level, because there is a man with his legacy on the line in this feud, and it ain’t John Cena.
Best: The Shield, High-Flyin’ Babyfaces
So, until somebody finally turns on somebody I guess The Shield are just unapologetic babyfaces now. It was rather bizarre to see these guys who have been all about relatively unflashy teamwork for over a year hitting stereo dives and elaborate sunset flip spots left and right, but I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it. At this point I’d be totally okay with pushing the break-up back to SummerSlam and letting The Shield be smilin’ flyin’ dudes with tudes for the next few months.
I want more like this!
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