Worst: 15-minutes of Alberto Del Rio on Guest Commentary
No guest commentary match should ever go through a commercial break. First off, we know we’re heading for a garbage distraction finish, so don’t waste our time. The wrestlers know it too — I don’t think I’ve ever seen a really good match happen when somebody’s on guest commentary, because the guys in the ring know the announcers are going to be too busy Googling what a Skip-it is to actually call the match.
This rule is doubly true if it’s Alberto Del Rio on commentary. The guy doesn’t know what to say when he runs out of gringo perro talking points and both Cole and JBL are terrible to him. Cole because he’s a twisted little man who’s awful to everyone, and JBL because, well, you know why. So yeah, the commentary was insufferable, and the Christian/Ziggler match in the ring didn’t do much to distract. Well, except for Christian’s attempted imitation of Ziggler’s ass wiggling…
Hey, don’t laugh. Compared to most Canadian dudes, that’s some Step Up 2 The Street shit right there.
Best: Batista, Humble Man
I’m no wrestling historian, so somebody help me — who did Batista steal his “I’m a humble man, and I don’t need you to cheer me” line from? If he came up with that himself, then that needs to be the first clip in his eventual WWE Hall of Fame video package. Guys, heel Batista is so f–king good. It’s time to get over the “I think I’m going to get a Rock reaction and not have to do any work” Batista we saw at the Royal Rumble. Big Dave is actually being a real pro-wrestler now, and he’s knocking it out of the park. At least on promos he is. In the ring, well, at least he’s getting on base now.
Worst: Daniel Bryan, Total Butthole
Batista certainly squashed Daniel Bryan on the mic tonight.
For some reason WWE thought it would be a good idea the have Daniel Bryan (the guy who constantly argues the point that his looks and grooming shouldn’t matter) attack Dave Batista’s sartorial choices. Batista hits close to home with a remark about how Bryan is just a fan they let into the locker room and all Bryan can come back with is, “Yeah, well, you wear skinny jeans like a woman!” Yeesh. If you’re going to rag on a guy’s outfit, maybe don’t do it while wearing a faded grey hoodie and red Underoos.
Also, Batista doesn’t dress badly. Batista dresses obnoxiously. He’s the guy who makes all the guys at the bar groan, but then goes home with the ladies. Now Daniel Bryan, he dresses badly, and him snarking about what Batista’s wearing just makes him come off as petulant. Like a kid at the nerd table in the cafeteria chortling about how all the football players and cheerleaders at the popular table are so dumb and shallow. Right kid, you’d never want to be like them. Sure you wouldn’t.