The love affair between Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch and rainbow atom (?) candy Skittles is long, passionate and storied, starting with endearing, Faulknerian stories from childhood and continuing on until people are throwing Skittles at him after touchdowns en route to winning a Super Bowl.
“I would give him a handful of Skittles and say, ‘Eat ‘em up, baby,'” [mother] Delisa Lynch told Seahawks.com in 2012. “‘They’re going to make you run fast and they’re going to make you play good.'”
While Lynch was playing college ball at Cal, the school used to “buy them by the case.”
Now, because this story has no reasonable conclusion beyond “dude likes candy,” he’s physically becoming one of those weird types from the Skittles commercials. You know how they always have people with Skittles teeth, or someone with a Midas touch that turns everything they touch into Skittles? Marshawn Lynch likes Skittles, so now he’s got a Skittles football jersey. A jersey with his name and number made out of Skittles.
SKITTLES SKITTLES SKITTLES
Join us back here tomorrow when Marshawn gets invited to the Skittles factory, eats Skittles when he isn’t supposed to and ends up trapped in a maniacal Skittles machine by the odd, magical hermit that runs the place.
I want more like this!
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