Poor Drake. He just wanted his beloved Kentucky Wildcats to win the NCAA Men’s Basketball Championship last night. He traveled so far to watch the one team that he loves more than anything in this world after he saved for so long to afford a good seat and a brand spanking-new UK jacket to declare to us all that he loves the Wildcats above all else. Alas, Kentucky came up short and the UConn Huskies were victorious, crushing Drake’s dream and sending him home as the saddest boy in the whole stadium.
Don’t feel too bad for Drake, though. He’ll always be able to fall back on his beloved Miami Heat, Los Angeles Lakers, Oklahoma City Thunder, San Antonio Spurs, New York Yankees, Boston Red Sox, Los Angeles Dodgers, St. Louis Cardinals, New England Patriots, Seattle Seahawks, San Francisco 49ers, New Orleans Saints, Alabama Crimson Tide, FSU Seminoles, Auburn Tigers, Boston Bruins, Chicago Blackhawks, Los Angeles Kings, Jimmie Johnson, Jeff Gordon, Tiger Woods, Rory McIlroy, and the Harlem Globetrotters to make his championship dreams come true.
Or he’ll just go out and buy a UConn jacket today like the true jock-sniffing, bandwagon-hopping a-hole that he is.