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The Best And Worst Of Impact Wrestling 2/24/14: We All Go A Little Mad Sometimes

By / 04.25.14

Worst: The Beautiful People vs. And The Rest

Instead of writing a full-page missive on why positive female role models are important, why a culture that treats women like commodities is outdated and dangerous, and why everything is awful forever, I’m just going to let the official Impact Wrestling twitter account remind you of what they think a woman’s worth is:

Worst: This girl is on fire

So…what is the story here? Knux returns to help his very own Sad Dad, but now he’s not going to help him, he’s just going to go back to work, and bring along a lady who hates pants?

Wait, looks like YouTube commenters have solved another mystery:

Worst: What even are you

So…are they wolves? Hackers? Th’Shield? Am I supposed to believe in the Wolves of Justice, or beware of the one guy on the production team who is really, really into Enemy of the State trailers?

Best: Magnus vs. Abyss

The match is…a match. It’s not anything grand or memorable, but I love, love, love the finish. Disqualification via ball shot is in keeping with the tried and true trait of the cowardice of heels, and it fits what a d-bag Magnus is right now. Magnus casually dragging the steel chair behind him, then into the ring is, again, and example of that cold confidence that elevates him from what he was before. It’s a subtle, small thing speaks volumes as to the turnaround Magnus has gone through. I mean, here I am, a person who despised his work (in and out of the ring) so much that I placed an embargo on ever writing about him, and he drags a chair ten feet and I’m falling all over myself.

I’m constantly saying that you don’t need to shout and threaten to murder people constantly to be good at being bad, and this is what I’m talking about. Besides, we all know that shouting about murderkilling people makes you the good guy in Impact anyways.

The part of me that loves watching and enjoying wrestling on television is all over this, and it makes me excited to add something to the very short list of things I look forward to each week (and by list I mean EC3), but the part of me that has watched Impact for years with startling regularity fears that this may be the death knell for Cool Heel Magnus. Episode after episode, year after year, I’ve been conditioned to expect that if something is good and fun and well executed, the plug is going to be pulled because of the fear of change and success that permeates everything that Impact Wrestling does. There’s a perceptible shift from the good place we were settling into back to everything that is awful about TNA. Matches that don’t matter. Gross sexism. Youth wasted in favour of aging castoffs. Russo stink. Bobby Lashley. When Aces & Eights and Hulk Hogan were good, and I mean really good, it all went down in flames. We had pay-per-view Knockouts matches that stood out again, and now we have the return of the Beautiful People and everything that is wrong with how females are portrayed in media. I miss Joseph Park every day. Impact Wrestling is the lesson I fight learning, it’s history like the wheel. “Rise up on my spokes if you like, but don’t complain when you are cast back down into the depths.” All we’re left with is the hope that these, the worst of times, will soon pass away.

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