Worst: More Like Measuring Dick, Amirite?
Apparently WWE was afraid its audience wouldn’t know what to think about the past week of programming unless it was filtered through the perspective of one Mr. John Cena, so they had him come out on Smackdown and do a painfully thorough rundown of everything that happened on Wrestlemania and Raw.
Cena talked about the Undertaker’s streak and the Attitude era coming to a definitive end and the ascent of Daniel Bryan. He talked about the rise of Cesaro, The Shield and the upcoming debuts of Bo Dallas and Adam Rose and how the WWE is on the cusp of a new era, then concluded by saying none of it mattered unless they go through him because he’s THE MEASURING STICK JOHN CENA, JACK.
Well John, if you’re the measuring stick I guess most of the locker room can breathe easy. Half the guys wrestle better than you. Most of them are more interesting. Even if we’re strictly kayfabing this, what has John Cena the character done lately? Compete in a lousy mid-card match on Wrestlemania? Take two years to beat The Rock? Measuring stick — f–k you.
Worst: Oh No! Bray Wyatt Is Going To Drive John Cena To Do Something Extreme At Extreme Rules!
And here it is, everything wrong with Bray Wyatt in a nutshell — a boundary pushing character trapped in a promotion that’s simultaneously a) strictly PG and b) obsessed with empty faux edginess.
Bray is trying to push Cena over the edge, but Cena can’t actually go over the edge, so instead the guy who’s made a career out of throwing guys through ambulance roofs is suddenly afraid to use a chair. The result is a battle of wills over whether John Cena will sell his soul and stoop to the use of, gasp, foreign objects at XTREME RULES THE SUPER RAD SHOW WHERE THE ONLY RULE IS THERE IS NO RULES. Spoiler alert — yes, John Cena will use a weapon at Extreme Rules, and no, it won’t matter because he’s John Cena.
I want more like this!
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