Worst: The Logical Inconsistencies Of Paige Being Stripped Of The NXT Women’s Championship
Don’t get me wrong, I love a good tournament. JBL announcing that the new NXT Women’s Champion would be crowned via one isn’t bad news, especially since they’ve got a strong developmental Divas division going now and won’t have to put Aksana’s Porno Sax in it somewhere to fill it out like they did back in June.
That said, almost none of this makes sense. JBL, a General Manager who is almost never on the show because of his duties as an announcer on Raw, strips Paige of the Women’s Championship because of her duties on Raw. Keep in mind that nobody stripped Big E Langston of the NXT Championship when he showed up on Raw. He lost it to Bo Dallas in a match on NXT after holding it as a Raw-rostered Superstar for five months. Paige has had the Divas Championship for like three weeks.
On top of that, WWE Superstars regularly compete on NXT all the time. Not to spoil too much for you (thanks, NXT Women’s Championship Wikipedia page), but Natalya, Layla and Alicia Fox are all in the tournament. Wouldn’t they have “duties” as Raw Divas? If Natalya wins the NXT Women’s Championship does she automatically get stripped of it because she’s gonna be really busy doing Total Divas promo work? Is it only the DIVAS Champion that has the duties? Doesn’t the Divas Champ need people to fight? Does JBL get a memo at the beginning of the month that says “TAMINA WILL WRESTLE THE DIVAS CHAMPION AT WWE EVENTS FOR THE NEXT TWO MONTHS STRAIGHT NO MATTER WHAT, OTHER DIVAS ARE BORED, USE THEM?”
I’m mad that she went from “no, this is ridiculous” to “I never thought of it THAT way!” and handing over the belt so quickly. She should’ve just thrown hands at him in her Road Warriors bracelet.
Best: Rusev Hit, Lana Crush
Eventually they’re gonna turn Lana into a happy-go-lucky clapper and pointer who wears glittery bicycle shorts and does monkey flips to the lesser Divas while yelling COME ONNNNNN or whatever, but I’m going to enjoy an infatuation with her until then.
I prefer Raw Lana, though. I think it’s her hair. I like the harsh, pulled-back hair. NXT Lana looks like she got her haircut from create-a-wrestler.
Worst: Travis Tyler
Anyway, the opening match of the show was Alexander Rusev crushing Lucky Cannon. I know that’s not Lucky Cannon, but going forward, that’s Lucky Cannon. Like when Diesel and Razor Ramon got replaced.
The important takeaway from this match is that Travis Tyler needs to invest in a cup. I know “lol yer lookin’ at dudes’ dicks” is the joke, but seriously, excessive dickprint is distracting. The guy bumps and it’s just flopping around. Look at that screencap. That is “Goldust getting gay heat” mushroom cap action happening. If you’re Viktor or whatever and you’re gonna wear jet black trunks, sure, let it swing, but if you’re rocking creamsicle underpants, tuck yourself in.
Best: Adam Rose Is Now Accompanied By The NXT Universe
Okay, they’ve got to be trolling me now.
The announce team sends it back to Devin Taylor, secret Rosebud, as she interviews Adam Rose and his ‘Dinosaurs On A Spaceship’ gang. The first thing we see are the Rosebuds hopping around partying, doing the soccer chant that accompanies the original Adam Rose entrance theme. There’s no WAY they taped this much before the dubbing-over decision was made. They should’ve chanted it without moving, arms at their sides, staring directly into the camera at me.
I’m giving it a Best, though, because the role of the Rosebuds seems to be appropriating and emulating the NXT crowd. They didn’t just sing the entrance theme like Full Sail does, they broke out into a full-on “BE A ROSE-BUD clap clap clapclapclap.” That’s pretty ingenious. If you want the crowd to react a certain way, why not make a guy’s valet THE CROWD?
Also, LOL at Camacho picking verbal fights with people. It’s like William Hung dropping a diss track.
Best: Charlotte Just Flair Flopped And I Take Back Everything Bad I Ever Said About Her
Now all she needs to do is start yelling AHH GOD SHIT when she takes back bumps.
Best: EMMA EMMA EMMA! OI OI OI!
That’s good chanting.
Worst: Rich Brennan Doesn’t Know How A Figure Four Works
The actual tag match teaming Paige and Emma against the BFFs was fun (if not a little short), but loses points for two reasons:
1. Paige getting a “during the commercial break” entrance, I guess to cover the fact that she walked out with the NXT Women’s Championship on her shoulder and they tape these shows 14 years in advance (note: a 35-year old Paige was at WrestleCon this year, I’m just saying).
2. The announce team going FULL GOOBER and forgetting what wrestling is.
The worst was Rich Brennan, the new play-by-play guy hired because of his awesome Josh Mathews impression. This guy sounds like he’s never watched wrestling in his life. During Rusev/Tyler he reacted to a kickout from Tyler by asking Alex Riley if HE would’ve kicked out. Riley’s like, “uh, I don’t know dude.” The followup question is “do you think he SHOULD’VE kicked out,” and yeah, I get that he’s trying to get over the “stay down” thing, suggesting that Tyler would be better off throwing in the towel, but Riley has to respond with “well yeah obviously, he’s in a wrestling match, otherwise what’s the point.” When you are getting THAT WAS A STUPID QUESTION responses from Alex freaking Riley, you’re doing it wrong.
In this match, he gets it into his head that Charlotte’s leg scissors on Emma is the figure four and CAN’T STOP MENTIONING IT. He tries to get Albert on board, and Albert’s all, “it’s what we call a leg scissors, n00b.” So Brennan starts in about how it’s just like the figure four but on the different half of the body (?), and at no point does someone scream IT’S NOT CALLED A FIGURE FOUR BECAUSE OF WHAT YOUR LEGS ARE DOING, IT’S CALLED A FIGURE FOUR BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU’RE DOING TO YOUR OPPONENT’S LEGS. You are not “doing the figure four” when you sit Indian-style.
That infects the rest of the announce team with wrestling amnesia and they can’t call anything else for the rest of the match. Charlotte does her cutter finisher on Paige and someone (I believe Riley) says they’ve only seen that “once before.” Has Charlotte only wrestled once before, because I’m pretty sure I’ve seen it a few times. Albert can’t even call it a cutter, he calls it “a reverse DDT of sorts.” WHAT ARE YOU DOING. Riley: “You know it’s a good move when you don’t know what to call it!” I guess to this announce team all moves are good moves.