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The Best and Worst of Impact Wrestling 5/22/14: Not All Eric Youngs

By 05.23.14

Worst: Gunner

Gunner thinks that his friend with PTSD is the same as the psychopathy of one of his coworkers because Gunner is awful, and I swear if this doesn’t lead to Samuel Shaw reenacting that scene from Silence of the Lambs so he can use Gunner’s beard to sneak out of the hospital, then I don’t have time for this at all.



Worst: Mr. Anderson

On the flip side, here we have Mr. Anderson getting James Storm nice and inebriated so he can beat him up, inadvertently proving that he can’t get the job done in the ring, and James Storm is the stronger competitor. It’s also super weird to think that James Storm exists in any state of sobriety, but I digress.

I like to think that so much time spent around Sam Shaw has made Mr. Anderson adopt his traits, and now will only violate people while they’re incapacitated in some way. I can only imagine that Mr. Anderson will do this to one mid-card roster member after another until finally we’re given an Impact 365 video of Mr. Anderson standing on the roof over Christy Hemme’s lifeless body. Samuel Shaw approaches, still covered in Gunner’s blood from his masterful escape earlier, appears confused at first, then angry that Anderson would dare hurt his precious Christy. “I…I learned it from watching you!” Anderson sobs, seconds before Shaw throws him from the roof in a fit of rage. Samuel Shaw cradles Hemme’s head in his arms as the SWAT team bursts through the stairwell exit. He charges at them, only to be brought down in a hail of bullets. Sam Shaw will go out a hero, because Impact doesn’t understand that bad guys should do bad things and be punished for said things. Later, against a backdrop of a golden Orlando sunset, Gunner gazes down at the bullet-riddled body of Shaw.

“My boy…he tried to save him, you know? I thought he could do it. He had no medical or psychiatric training whatsoever, but he loved the troops and his beard, and I thought that’d be enough.” James Storm places a comforting hand on Sad Dad’s shoulder, wincing as he does, still feeling the effects of Anderson’s brutal attack earlier. “Forget about it, Rick. It’s the Impact Zone. Let’s go get a beer.”

Worst: Don’t kayfabe us, Tenay

Tenay claims that no one is coming to the aid of Eric Young and Austin Aries because they’re so intimidated by MVP’s Kenny King of Trios. It’s an admirable idea, Tenay, but I think we all know that everyone in the back is sick to death of their sh-t.

Join us next week when none of this matters and none of it will be made to make any sense, but maybe Sanada will be there.

Maybe.


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TOPICS#IMPACT WRESTLING
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