The Best And Worst Of Smackdown 5/30/14: Gluten-Free Millennials

By: 05.31.14  •  25 Comments

Worst: This Is Happening in 2014

Hey, there’s two African-American wrestlers in the ring — guess who shows up before the match can even start?

Man, I know both Rusev and Big E are sort of throwbacks, but I’m still astounded WWE is doing a feud in the Year of Our Lord 2014 that’s predicated entirely on fervent flag waving. Look at Big E wave that flag! But wait, look at Rusev wave his flag! Their flag waving abilities are so evenly matched I believe only a professional grappling match can determine who’s the better man and patriot!

Titus should have started wildly swinging a flag from, I dunno, Guam or something just to confuse everyone. Or a giant flag with a picture of his own face on it.

Worst: Weak Buttock High School

Sooo yeah, I’m pretty done with Adam Rose’s tiresome shithead antics. Thankfully this match featured Zeb being a cranky old man all-star on commentary, branding Rose’s posse gluten-free millennials and accusing them of being scofflaws who don’t even have passports. I’m pretty sure I made it just under the wire for Gen-X eligibility (born in 1981), so preach on Zeb. Or, you know, whatever. Also, considering the fact Rose had a totally different crew in England, Zeb’s probably right about the passports thing.

Oh, and can anybody help me out with what JBL said as Rose was coming down the ramp? I re-listened to it about a dozen times, and it sounds like he said Adam Rose was from Weak Buttock High School. Or maybe Wheat Buttock High School? So, he was either making fun of Adam Rose for having a skinny ass or, alternatively, a flabby carb-swollen one? Which is it? Or maybe I just misheard and he said something completely sensible, but this is JBL we’re talking about here.

Worst: An Uso Singles Match For the Main Event? Really?

I’m a well-documented Usos fan — I think they’re a great tag team, but the emphasis is very much on tag team. I’m not terribly interested in seeing Usos in singles matches, especially in the freakin’ main event. Jimmy’s match with Bray was basically one long heat segment without the hot tag. That would have been bad enough, but the match was made worse by it being last man standing, a dull stipulation at the best of times, and the fact that Jey Uso and the rest of the Wyatts spent the entire bout just sort of milling around not doing anything. The match would spill to the outside and the Wyatts and Jey would just stare at the proceedings with disinterest. Why it’s almost as if like the writers forgot they’d be out there and didn’t give them anything to do!

Also, am I supposed to be excited to see Bray Wyatt fight John Cena when he could barely put a single Uso down? Again, I like the Usos, but they are and forever will be tag team guys, so it’s okay for them to lose singles matches. This match should have been Jimmy Uso going for a superkick, missing then getting hit with 10 consecutive Sister Abigails and not being able to answer the 100-count. Oh well, at least this segment didn’t involve a) John Cena or b) Wolf of Wall Street chest thumping. Small victories.

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