Best: Bo Dallas Is Giving Hope To Infertile Women By Comparing Them To Mountain Climbers
The Marty Jannetty of the Rotunda kids is on some next level shit right now, and if you haven’t seen his new ring entrance yet, go to the Best and Worst of NXT report and watch it immediately.
I really hope this is an elaborate excuse to restart the Bo Dallas/Wade Barrett feud, only now one is obsessed with bad news and the other with positive affirmation. It’d be like those angels and devils that sat on peoples’ shoulders in old cartoons and tried to talk them into making decisions.
Best: Lana Gets DAT PUTIN HEAT
If you’re going to move Alexander Rusev to Russia, you might as well go all the way with it. The highlight of the Rusev handicap match (of which there were MANY, probably) was Lana going total 1980s Cold War troll Russian with a giant picture of Vladimir Putin, talking about how he’s her idol and how she respect him “like no other.” She should go full Ninotchka from GLOW, get a big hammer and sickle tattooed on her chest and start rapping about Russian superiority.
They should into the Putin photo before every Rusev match and leave it up the entire time. Truth’s getting in offense, looks over his shoulder and there’s GIANT PUTIN, glaring on in disapproval.
Worst: Xavier Woods And The Worst Pay-Per-View Performance Ever
R-Truth wanders out with Xavier Woods at his side and he’s too mad to rap, because he LOVES THE UNITED STATES and HATES RUSSIA because I guess he is in his 40s and would think that. Anyway, Woods is there growling all GRRR RUSSIA, THIS IS JUST LIKE WHAT HAPPENED IN ROCKY 3. Woods powerslides into the ring and Rusev just kicks him in the face immediately, knocking him into Truth. Woods then gets thrown into some metal and suplexed on the outside, and he is NEVER SEEN AGAIN.
How bad do you have to be to have a 2-on-1 handicap advantage and not even make it to the match? I’ve seen Ascension opponents do better than that. This also happened on a pay-per-view where EVERYBODY was getting suplexed on the outside. El Torito jumped through a pile of tables and ladders. Kane fell through A FLAMING TABLE and was on his feet immediately. Xavier Woods falls down twice and has to practically be stretchered out. Hilarious. You are the worst, Xavier Woods.
Best: Renee Young’s Awkward Inclusion In The Evolution Fist Bump
Worst: Batista Doesn’t Know How To Do The Shield Taunt
This is why we hate you, Dave.
Best: BAHBAHBAHBAHBAHBAHBAHBAH Etc.
The good news (for people who love bad news) here is that the crowd still loves Wade Barrett, is not afraid to start BAD NEWS BAR-RETT chants or clap along with him, and that Hashtag BNB is the new Intercontinental Champion. That’s great, and could be a lot of fun. Barrett’s enthusiasm is truly infectious and his matches have been good-to-great, including this one, which mostly hinged on me wanting Big E to get elbowed in the face so hard he forgets how to count. Which … he might’ve already.
The bad news (also for people who love bad news, but won’t enjoy this specific bad news) is twofold:
1. This match is a very, very obvious example of what happens when WWE pushes you into a secondary title victory and forgets about you. Big E was The New Hotness for a while, teaming with guys like CM Punk and John Cena, getting huge victories and a swell of support from live crowds. He’s had some issues with making himself or others bleed, sure, but he’s an easy guy to get the WWE Universe (smark and otherwise) to like. Last night the crowd was 100% behind Barrett, and Big E’s only heat was in “not being the other guy.” We call this Rey Mysterio Royal Rumble Heat.
And why? Because he’s been forgotten. He’s a guy who has a meaningless prop belt and sometimes wins, but mostly loses. That’s it. Barrett’s been on TV regularly killing it in the ring and outside of it, he’s got a fun catchphrase, he’s got an entrance theme that is fun to type out phonetically, the works. That leads us directly to point 2, which is …
2. The IC title might be the last thing Barrett needs. The last time he held it was a master class in abandoning hope. He NEVER won. The only time he won was when he had to defend his title, and it didn’t make sense. 80 straight non-title losses, then a match where you think they’re gonna put him out of his misery but NOPE, he retains, then loses 80 more non-titles. What happens if the Curse Of The Wade Barrett Title Run conflicts with Bad News Barrett’s upswing of popularity and momentum? Is WWE just going to forget him again, assuming that “giving him the IC Title” is enough? Will the next six weeks be Rob Van Dam pinning him like it was nothing?
I’m happy, but cautious. I also may be secretly hoping WWE makes a belt big enough to fit around his motorized podium.