The Best And Worst Of Impact Wrestling 6/19/14: Right In The Dreamers

By: 06.20.14

Worst: Holy shit, this is a thing that’s happening

If you don’t pay attention to the goings on of Impact outside of the show itself, or even this report, let’s get you all caught up.

At Slammiversary, the story of the PPV was that people outside of TNA are more important than anyone in it. As such, we had The Von Erichs (actually kind of cool for a bit at the end, but a massive waste of time putting over two non-employees to pander to the Texas crowd), but we also had James Storm using a beer bottle to simulate urinating on a Dallas Cowboys helmet in order to draw the ire of legit Dallas Cowboys sitting in the crowd. To reiterate: a grown ass man used a beer bottle as his peepee in the hopes of getting a forgettable mention on TMZ. Devon Dudley even returned to further rewrite history (he left of his own volition, he didn’t lose a match and his cutte and it didn’t underscore anything happening in the “Bully Ray ruins everything he touches because he is the worst human being alive” storyline) so he and Bully could enter the TNA Hall of Fame. They were even introduced by Kurt Angle, the guy who was kidnapped by Aces & Eights, and hated them so much he had to recreate the European non-union equivalent of the Main Event Mafia to try and cut out “the cancer” that was Bully Ray and his biker bros.

These kind of desperate grabs at media attention are sad and small, and make you cringe. You know that scene in Muriel’s Wedding when her mom steals a pair of sandals and it’s this tiny moment that’s small and embarrassing but you’re so full of pity it makes your heart hurt? It’s like a fraction of that, but it’s the same sad kind of piteous feeling.

A short while ago, Bully Ray was “pulled” from a House of Hardcore show to represent Impact at Spike TV’s Guys Choice Awards, where a distinguished panel of guys they found at Myrtle Beach a little too long after spring break determined what video games are the best, and who they’d jerk off to just as much now as ten years ago. A noble cause indeed, but this caused a “shoot” war of words between Tommy Dreamer and Dixie Carter on social media. Note that I use air bunnies around everything because the debate of shoot or kayfabe is so asinine at this point I don’t even care if they’re necessary or not.

Tommy Dreamer called Dixie a bitch, and threatened her a bunch, because as a professional that’s the tack you always choose. Bully Ray was replaced in the HOH main event, but it’s been a whole schmoz. Dixie invited Tommy Dreamer onto the show, prompting the following responses from Dreamer:

(Followed by this NSWFish video I refuse to post in this report.)

Lovely, huh?

One could surmise that this is all a build to play to the ECW faithful outside of Philly and in New York at the upcoming tapings, and at some point Bully Ray will assumedly win the title because…whatever, who cares, it’s all relatively meaningless at this point. But that’s the problem, isn’t it? None of this means anything. Tommy Dreamer shows up because that dude will show up anywhere, and Impact can follow it’s tried and true formula of “Hey, remember that guy from that thing you loved? Come watch him in Impact and have that love slowly melted down and re-forged into sad, seething hatred.”

Best: Did he win for me?

Dixie is still admittedly kind of wonderful, needing to be reminded of Dreamer’s name, asking if he ever won for her when he worked there because she is a big important business lady who doesn’t have time for dudes who live in sweatpants and past glories. Chastising the ECW-chanting crowd for getting the letters wrong is glorious. I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy Dixie kneeing him in the junk and calling him a publicity grabbing piece of trash while EC3 beat him up. Dreams can come true, kiddos. Dreams can come true.

Worst: But thank god you’re grabbing those headlines

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