Worst: Hey, This Might Be An Interesting Match…
I was actually looking forward to Titus O’Neil/Adam Rose. It’s a bit of a style mismatch, and Titus is the most physically imposing guy Rose has faced to date, so yeah — this could be good. Or at least an interesting train wreck! But no, Rose won with a roll up in 20-seconds, because isn’t the thing where he crowd surfs off the apron just so clever? We have to get to that as soon as possible!
But wait, Titus is challenging Rose again! Okay, now maybe we’ll get an actual match. Maybe Titus will even deal Rose a much-deserved first loss! Yeah!
Worst: Debut Milking
I almost dread new guys debuting at this point. A numbing pattern has set in — they’re hyped for months, finally show up with an elaborate entrance, beat Heath Slater or somebody in 30-seconds and everyone’s pumped! Man, what is this exciting new character going to do? Well, most of the time they just keep beating guys in 30-seconds and repeating the exact same routine for months.
With half the roster recently freed to pursue future endeavors, I fear what the average episode of Raw/Smackdown might become…
- John Cena recap
- Adam Rose dances out, beats Heath Slater in 30-seconds.
- Bo Dallas runs a lap, tells us to Bolieve and beats Xavier Woods in 30-seconds.
- Aiden English comes out, sings, beats R-Truth in 30-seconds.
- Tyler Breeze takes selfies and beats Titus O’Neil in 30-seconds.
- Lana says things about Putin, Rusev comes out and beats, uh, whatever black guy I haven’t mentioned yet in 30-seconds.
- Bayley gives out headbands then beats Cameron in 30-seconds.
- 50-minutes of recaps of all these folks doing their canned routines last week.
- Hans Moleman is hit in the groin with a football.Sad trombone. The end.
Here’s a crazy idea for a new character — how about a competent wrestler who tries hard and has entertaining competitive matches? Nah, I guess only the NXT audience would appreciate something like that.
Worst: A Dean Ambrose Losing Streak Gimmick. Awesome.
Hey, you know what would be really cool? Like, totally amazing? A match that’s over two minutes that doesn’t end in some sort of shitty, unsatisfying way.
So yup, it’s now a story point that Seth Rollins has cost Ambrose three matches in a row. Dean Ambrose is now on a losing streak, because I guess it’s immutable WWE law that somebody has to go on a losing streak when a team breaks up. It’s the jeans, man — they’re cursed. They were acid washed in ancient Indian tears or something.
I want more like this!
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