Worst: Randy Orton, Triple H And Papa Smurf
“Okay, what’re we wearing tonight?”
“Black trunks, black everything.”
“Cool. You remind Dave?”
“Oh yeah, Dave’s good, he felt like an asshole showing up in all red at Extreme Rules but we worked it out.”
*Batista enters in ALL BLUE COMPRESSION SOCK EVERYTHING*
“LOOK’A ME I LOOK LIKE A NERF GUN”
“god dammit Dave”
“HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP”
“oh my God are you Ernest Hemingway? Can I have your autograph?”
“CAN YOU FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET A BLUE SLEEVE ON THIS INK PEN”
Best: I Don’t Think You Could Put Over A Team More Than The Authority’s Put Over The Shield
At WrestleMania, The Shield beat Kane and the New Age Outlaws in the most decisive WrestleMania match this side of S.D. Jones. At Extreme Rules, The Shield got all the spotlight moments and Roman Reigns pinned Batista with a spear. At Payback, The Shield got all the spotlight moments and each member eliminated their Evolution counterpart with something strong. A 3-0 sweep in an elimination tag in the main event. Holy shit, right? If they had a match at Money in the Bank, what’s the result? The Evolution guys begging The Shield to piss in their faces?
As wrestling fans, we love to go back to times when we felt one thing and apply them to how we should be feeling now. I do that as much as (and probably more than) anyone. We see what Triple H is doing for guys like The Shield and Bryan now, and we go back 10 years to justify those horrible days when H would call you boy, pedigree you and wait 5 minutes to pin you. Days when he’d beat up Brian Kendrick and Paul London for absolutely no reason because he needed an exclamation point at the end of the “Triple H is tough” sentence. Even a few years ago when Punk blew up and his first mission was an immediate pinfall lose to Triple H.
With the changes coming over WWE, it may be time to finally stop seeing how things connect to the past, and start worrying about where they’re going. We’ve gone from cheering the veterans and being wary of the new guys to cheering the new guys and being wary of the veterans, but the core WWE audience is still the opposite. There’s a nexus point between how things used to be and how things are GONNA be, and I don’t think anyone fully understands it yet. But we can see Triple H giving it everything he’s got to be the “Wounded King” and eating piles and piles of shit for the bulletproof stars of today, and Orton and Big Dave following his lead. That’s something. That’s something we need to see and not take for granted.
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Night
Evolution is defeated easily. The replay of this match is going to main event tomorrow’s 700 Club
Welcome to Whose Match Is It Anyway? where the rules are made up and the eliminations don’t matter!
Thrillhouse, on Roman Reigns being caned:
This is fine and all…but it could really use Don’t Stop Me Now, just sayin.
ShimmerDownMeow, on also that:
YOUR! NAME! IS! LEAKEE!
Now you might think it’s impossible for an “old Irish saying” to involve hashtags, but there actually used to be hashtags in Ireland before Saint Michael Cole drove them out.
Space Monkey Mafia
Big E’s new gimmick is “Blacksaw” Jim Duggan.
Big Baby Yeezus
There’s only one black man who can take Russev down…. JAAAHNNN CEEENA
Bo ran out of that ring like a man coated in baby oil near an open flame, probably because Bo is a man covered in baby oil near an open flame.
He just threw those 500 pound stairs at least 100 yards in front of 60,000 people
Cena can’t go to AA because the steps don’t carry any weight for him.
Thanks, everybody. See you back here tonight for the Raw open discussion thread, and on Tuesday for the Best And Worst Of A Hopefully Very Different Raw.