Worst: John Cena’s ‘Hidden Message’ Is That He Is Bad At Jokes
John Cena’s doing a jokey promo where he’s gonna stick up his middle finger … but he doesn’t! Never give up, John!
Worst: Ersatz Alicia Fox
So, here’s a weird thing.
Over the last few weeks, Alicia Fox has been Paige’s only notable opponent. On last night’s episode Alicia Fox was nowhere to be found, but Cameron was there playing Alicia Fox. Dyed hair, overly heel mannerisms, loud unwarranted shrieking, mental breakdowns, the whole nine. Naomi was her Aksana, which is kinda poetic when you think about it.
Anyway, just like Alicia Fox, Cameron’s act went nowhere and Paige tapped her out to the PTO. I want to give this a Best because 1) Paige continued tapping out competitors in her dominant first title reign and 2) it wasn’t the same match we’ve seen every week for a month, but it kinda WAS, wasn’t it? If you sub in Justin Gabriel for Kofi Kingston in a Kofi/Dolph match and Gabriel’s in there slapping his hands and boom dropping dudes, that’s still a Kofi Kingston match.
Best: If We’re Gonna Break Up Anybody, GURL BYE The Funkadactyls
The good news is that Naomi spent her entire post-match side-eying the shit out of Cameron. If Brodus Clay is gone and Xavier Woods is forgotten, why do the Funkadactyls need to still be a thing? They serve no purpose. Backup dancers dancing in nobody’s background. Naomi’s got an upside and Cameron basically doesn’t, so let Naomi superkick her through the Total Divas window or whatever and give them something constructive to do. Naomi can put the eyepatch back on and be a real opponent for Paige. Cameron can put on a bee costume and help Adam Rose get funk on a roll.
Best: F*CKING STARDUST
Okay. Okay okay okay okay. STARDUST.
I am going to refrain from happily dancing through a sprinkler for a week and a half in response to this, so I’ll try to break it down. The idea behind the Rhodes Brothers tag team story everyone seems to agree on is that Cody was gonna pair Goldust up with a bunch of jerks and watch him lose matches, which would then lead to Cody realizing GOLDUST was the weak link, turning on him and running him out of WWE. Right? And I think maybe that’s still what they’re doing. Cody shows up as Stardust, he and Goldie go on a massive win streak and Cody gets egotistical, assuming that CODY RHODES WITH CONFIDENCE is all anybody ever needs to win. He gets a big head, reveals that he co-opted Goldust’s gimmick to mock him and runs him out of WWE.
That’s not set in stone or anything, but that’s the opinion I’m reading from a lot of people. Here’s what I’m hoping: that Stardust will be such a universally beloved hit on social media that WWE will see money on the table and keep Cody in the gimmick forever. Let Dustin actually pass the torch to him. We never have to do a Rhodes family breakup, and Goldust can be sort of a tag partner summon for future matches where Stardust is outnumbered. Cody breaks out of everybody’s shadow by EMBRACING the shadow and stops being a damn wingman for the first time in his WWE career.
Alternate plan: Dusty Rhodes in Goldust makeup.
Seriously though, Stardust is wonderful times infinity and already has the best entrance music on Raw. I didn’t think they could top Goldust’s music, but STARDUST, you guys. STARDUST. He makes AJ Styles star hands in front of your face!
Worst: Those Guys Chanting LET’S GO AXEL
During last night’s show, SOME loud group of fans were really into Curtis Axel and tried to chant LET’S GO AX-EL in support of him. I’m the guy who made 3MB make surprised faces at two nonconsecutive WWE live events losing my mind for them, so I’m not throwing shade at that. Cheer for the guys you wanna cheer for.
What I’m Worsting it for is what happened when they chanted LET’S GO AXEL. Time #1: During the battle royal. As soon as they start chanting it, Axel gets eliminated. Time #2: During the Gold Star tag team match. As soon as they start chanting it, Stardust hits a Diamond Dust on Axel and pins him. SO MUCH DUST. You’re jinxing him, guys.