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Vintage Best And Worst: WWF Summerslam 1996

By 06.05.14
sid bulldog

WWE Network

Best: Psycho Sid In His Prime Or
Worst: Shut Up, WWE Historians

A couple of weeks ago, WWE’s Countdown had an episode of biggest screw-ups or whatever and Psycho Sid Vicious/Justice got his own entry. Revisionist history has a way of becoming canon and I hate it (I’ll make the same argument when I talk about Glacier soon). Sure, Sid rarely made much sense on the mic and he wasn’t in Undertaker or Kane’s class in terms of big men. But he had moments when he was on. Here, he’s wrestling British Bulldog and it’s sort of the blind leading the blind as neither man was really known for directing good matches. However, this is a serviceable power match. More importantly, the crowd is absolutely nuclear for Sid. He had the monster charisma down and just looked like a boss all match.

The match itself is short and sweet with an exchange of power moves (and, sigh, rest holds for some reason in a four-minute match). We get some little side story with Cornette and Johnny Cochran but most importantly we get Sid dominating the British Bulldog. This was the best he looked since 91′-era Halloween Havoc. Really, they could have cut the rest holds and just thrown each other around a lot.

sable mero

Best: Sable With Clothes On

I mentioned this for the last PPV, but young, innocent Sable >>>> MILF Gargantuan Boob Sable from the Attitude Era. She looked way better here than she did with hand paint over her nipples. Fight me.

Oh God, Lana is going to come to the ring in pasties in a few months and lose all her sex appeal, isn’t she? Dammit.

Best: The One Thing Marc Mero Could Ever Do

Balrog was the most useless Street Fighter character ever. But he had that one really sick combo that I liked watching from time to time because it was leaps and bounds better than he had any right being.

That was Marc Mero and the shooting star press. He literally did everything badly but could hit the move that almost shoot murdered Brock Lesnar with ease. It’s basically the equivalent of Buff Bagwell hitting a Canadian Destroyer. They should be take team partners, run around the ring hit the taunt button until they get their special moves and just do those.

Because everything else Marc Mero does here stinks. It smells. I hate it. In the last two months, we had Stone Cold carrying Mero’s carcass to decent matches and here we get Goldust trying his damnedest to be remotely okay. I’m pretty sure that every Marc Mero match has his opponent getting totally pissed with him for screwing something up. This match is no different. The match ends with Goldust setting up the Curtain Call, but Mero…just…won’t…bend. And you can see Goldust stop himself from losing his sh*t while trying to get a mannequin to just f*cking bend.

By the way, I know what you’re doing with that ring attire, Goldust. I’m appropriately disturbed.

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