The Best And Worst Of Smackdown 7/4/14: Do It For Little Daniel

By: 07.05.14

Best: Hooray for Long Weekends!

Maaaaan, I’ve got some things to say about face Zeb Colter. I liked him when he was a parody of blustering American right-wingers, but jeez, I have very little stomach for Zeb unironically shouting about how America INVENTED THE INTERNET and has a little thing called THE BILL OF RIGHTS. Hmmm, Canada invented the telephone and also has a Charter of Rights, so hey, I guess we’re at least equals. Thanks Zeb! France invented the combustion engine and modern democracy, so they’re probably even better than America! And Russia invented Tetris, so it’s kind of no contest.

Ahhhh haha, but come on guys and girls, put those muskets and fifes away. Put that tin drum back behind the couch. I won’t get into this on your birthday weekend. Barbecue! Fireworks! Abraham Lincoln’s beard! Happy thoughts. We’ll…we’ll talk about this later.

Worst: Don’t Be Silly, Kane Doesn’t Wear Watches

Guest commentary should not be allowed during main event matches. A guest commentator means a match is going to end in f-ckery 100% of the time, which is bad enough in some random match in the middle of the card, but when it’s the last match on the show you’re just asking me to hit the fast forward button. I managed to resist, but maybe I should have since this match was in slow motion to begin with.

Orton was clearly very aware this match was meaningless — I haven’t seen an unmotivated Randy Orton classic like this in quite some time. Eventually, as expected, the match broke down, then somehow, despite the entire show being focused squarely on Ambrose and Rollins, Roman Reigns killed everyone and Smackdown ended with his music playing.

Hey WWE, if you’re intent on making Reigns the star of every show you do, maybe you should have, I dunno, made him champion. And now you’ve got him in another championship match. Don’t Ryback Roman Reigns, WWE. Please?

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