Worst: The Most Unwatchable Match Of All Time
Reason #3,569 that the WWE eventually knocked WCW out of business: WWE knows gimmick matches and, with the exception of War Games, WCW had only the worst events. WWE had Survivor Series. WCW had Battlebowl, which stunk. WWE had Royal Rumble. WCW had World War 3 (which they continues to name World War 3 for multiple years in a row…but…).
Here are some logistical reasons WW3 stunk:
1. The match starts with 60 guys just walking to the rings. So we get five minutes of watching guys walk to the ring. We get the entire length of a Del Rio/Sheamus match of guys walking. That’s not great TV.
2. A triple screen where the action is exactly small enough for you to not really make out anything at all that’s happening.
3. Six (6!) play-by-play guys.
4. Sixty guys in three rings, which means that there are maybe 25 actual regular wrestlers on Nitro in the match.
There’s no rhyme or reason to anything and it’s basically a pee break until everyone clears into the last ring. Here’s an idea: just make the last ring stuff the entire match. Because I’m betting my entire life’s savings that Johnny Grunge isn’t getting a world title shot.
The entire ordeal lasts 40 minutes and we don’t get the final ring until about 10 minutes left, so we get 30 of the most unwatchable minutes of any event ever. Then, when everyone is in the same ring, WE STILL GET THREE TINY SCREENS. None of the eliminations are important. There isn’t a single moment that builds up any new talent. None of the other story lines are acknowledged and no story lines emerge. Eric Bischoff was recently on the Steve Austin podcast talking about how they had to use Turner cameramen and not people particularly familiar with wrestling so the camera angles were always sloppy. So let’s give them the toughest job ever of following the most unfollowable match.
Battle Royals are the most can’t-miss matches in wrestling. And yet, WCW made me hate them. Way to go, guys.