“One day there were three tomatoes walking down the street, a mama tomato, a daddy tomato and a baby tomato. Baby tomato is walking too slowly, so the daddy tomato goes back, steps on him and says ‘ketchup!’ ”
Uma Thurman’s joke from Pulp Fiction seems appropriate here. It’s tangentially related to this amusing video involving a kid dressed as mustard during a hot dog race and falling over and over again. He is my favorite un-athletic kid ever.
True story: this actually happened last year with relish and lucky for you, I captured the whole thing.
Whose performance was worse? Let’s do a side-by-side comparison because I’m doing important work today, obviously.
I gotta hand it to relish for his perseverance, his courage, his ability to fight on despite the dropping of his pants. But mustard? Yeah, mustard flat out gives up. He can’t fight through. He’s the LeBron James of condiments. One cramp and he’s out of commission.
This ends our coverage of condiments during hot dog races. Stay tuned next week when I handle “Tomatoes vs. Onions, which one belongs on your burger?”