Ignoring the more recent cinematic crimes committed by Adam Sandler, the guy has put out some pretty solid screwball comedies. Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison usually land at the top of the list when it comes to Sandler’s better movies, but The Waterboy shouldn’t be overlooked. It’s incredibly quotable and is the better of Adam Sandler’s football movies. (There can be only one Paul “Wrecking” Crewe, and his name is Burt Reynolds.)
With the second week of the college football season underway, and Adam Sandler celebrating a birthday this week, it’s the perfect time to look back at some of The Waterboy’s more quotable lines. So, pour yourself a glass of high-quality H2O and let’s get on with it.
“Water sucks. Gatorade is better.”
There are really only two things that will set Bobby Boucher off, badmouthing his mama and trash-talking his precious H2O. To fuel Bobby’s fire, Coach Klein tells him that water sucks and is inferior to Gatorade. An obvious lie, but it works and Bobby becomes a tackling machine.
“No, Colonel Sanders. You’re wrong. Mama’s right.”
When Bobby’s science teacher challenges the knowledge of Bobby’s mother concerning alligator aggression, it rubs him the wrong way. When the professor does it again and refutes Mama Boucher’s explanation for happiness, he pays the price and takes a blow to the medulla oblongata.
“Now that’s what I call high-quality H2O.”
From the opening credits, we learn that Bobby has an incredible — and kind of weird — passion for water that nobody else respects. This line works perfectly anytime one is enjoying a high-quality beverage, water or whatever.
“Captain Insano shows no mercy.”
Coach Klein sees potential in Bobby and just needs to find a way to bring out the true player in him. When he tells Bobby to visualize and attack, Bobby does just that, but the only problem is he takes his attack straight from one of Captain Insano’s dirtier moves. No mercy shown.
“I got a wooden spoon, durrr.”
Bobby’s been called “moron” one too many times in his life, and the mockery caused by his water boy position pushes him over the edge. Bust this line out next time you’re watching the game with a friend and they go into the kitchen to make some guacamole. They’ll either laugh along and reminisce about the movie, or fly into a rage and lunge over the recliner to tackle you.
“Don’t smoke crack.”
Lawrence Taylor’s no stranger to off-the-field controversy, and has acknowledged his own struggles with cocaine abuse. It’s Taylor’s history that makes this line from the movie such a standout and shows that the guy isn’t afraid to make fun of himself. You should be afraid to make fun of him, though.
“If you’ll excuse me, ladies, I’m gonna go hang myself.”
Mama Boucher is a cockblock like no other and does her best to belittle her son in front of Vicki. In a truly evil move, she alerts Vicki to Bobby’s soiled bed sheets hanging on the clothesline. Seriously, though, Bobby should probably see a doctor about his condition.
“Yes, yes, that is another first for me. And I appreciate what you’re showing me right now.”
Vicki isn’t exactly the type of girl who likes to take her time, and she moves pretty fast with Bobby. His reaction to her taking her top off is pretty innocent, but at the same time completely appropriate and full of gratitude. Mama raised him right.
“Now you go on, have some fun becoming a man.”
Sure, it’s maybe a little awkward that Bobby’s mama tells her son to go off and lose his virginity, but the important thing is that she no longer considers Vicki to be the devil.
“You can do it.”
Who knows what Rob Schneider would have been doing in the late ’90s if this line hadn’t provided him with a career boost (it even showed up in The Longest Yard). I have no doubt that people still ask him to say it, and, truth be told, it is pretty fun to shout out from the stands anytime a kicker sets up for a field goal. I’m sure the kicker agrees.
