There’s really nothing that compares to the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Yes, baseball has its tense, drawn out, strategic chess matches. Basketball has its thrilling buzzer-beaters. Football has the Super Bowl, which is an event even if you’re not a sports fan. All of these are incredible to watch.
I’m not one of those #PleaseLikeMySport weenies who rushes to make a meme comparing the toughness of LeBron James to a hockey player anytime James leaves a game with cramps, but anyone who dabbles in playoff hockey will tell you that the Stanley Cup Playoffs is a beast totally of its own.
It’s not a showroom sales pitch to say you won’t find more consistent in-your-face intensity than you will in the 60 (sometimes 60+) minutes of a playoff hockey game. The whistle-to-whistle action and animosity is unmatched. The unpredictability is staggering. Sometimes it’s beautiful, sometimes it’s a beautiful circus. It’s as if a pile of cocaine took shape in sports form.
And there may not be a better year to stick your face in it than this one.
The 2016 Stanley Cup Playoffs officially get underway on Wednesday night and, even with the team I root for being eliminated from postseason contention in hilariously embarrassing fashion (for the second year in a row), I honestly can’t remember being this excited by a first round of play.
While there’s no question that a significant depth gap exists between the Eastern and the Western Conferences, each opening round matchup is intriguing and holds just as much potential as the next. Let’s start with the East.
The Washington Capitals were the best team in the East all season. They were the only team in the conference that could be classified as “very good” all season long. They employ one of history’s best goal-scorers in Alex Ovechkin. They’re the President’s Trophy winners and possibly the only Eastern Conference team that can give whoever comes out of the West a run for their money.
With that being said, they’re not going to walk right through the Philadelphia Flyers. Hell, I’m not even convinced they’re going to beat the Philadelphia Flyers. As unlikely a story as any of the 16 teams playing for the Cup, the Flyers are a young, bounce-back team that rallied late in the year under a rookie coach to land the eighth seed and a secure a date with the Caps.
Despite the Caps being the East’s “powerhouse,” they still have yet to shake their tag as the cross-country version of the San Jose Sharks — a team that has a tendency to be a regular season stud and then fall apart in the postseason. Ovechkin, coming off yet another 50-goal season, constantly gets crap for never having “won anything” despite being one of the best players of this generation.
The stars have aligned for Ovechkin and Washington to rid themselves of those reputations this year, but the Flyers proved to be a tough team to play in the latter half of the regular season. They’re scrappy. They bring a circus. Even in defeat, they’re pretty good at putting up a fight. The race to the Cup is a marathon and not a sprint, so a team like Philly can do some damage to a team’s chances in the first round, even if they don’t make it out themselves.
Then there’s the Florida Panthers. Remember that weird kid from high school who did all kinds of bizarre crap, yet still managed to sit at the cool kids table and get along with everyone? That’s the Florida Panthers. They’ve got a little bit of something for everyone to like, and nothing for anyone to hate.
You like talented youngsters? Well, they sucked long enough to get their hands on a lot of them. Like veterans, too? A bunch of super duper old guys went to Florida to ride it out into the sunset and accidentally ended up being good. One of those olds is national treasure Jaromir Jagr, which means you should be rooting for them by default. Sure, they don’t play in a big market, but they have Kevin Spacey in their corner and rats in their stands. Just admit it: you’re pulling for them.
They’ll have their work cut out for them going up against a solid New York Islanders team, who have quite a few talented (and handsome) gentlemen on their roster, as well. How well the Islanders do may depend on what they get in net.
The Pittsburgh Penguins facing the New York Rangers seems like the main event of the bracket’s East side. There’s a lot of firepower (as well as star power, especially if Evgeni Malkin can make his return) in that series. Both had roller coaster seasons, but have made deep runs in recent years and are looking to do the same. The Pens managed to turn it on after switching coaches mid-season, and the Rags should be playing with desperation because Henrik Lundqvist isn’t going to live forever. God bless us all if we have to see that guy looking sad as hell in the locker room after yet another heartbreaking playoff exit.
As for the Detroit Red Wings, well, they pretty much stink. They only locked up a spot because the Boston Bruins found more poop in their pants after Game 82. That being said, anything can happen in the playoffs, and the Wings got a favorable draw against a banged-up Tampa Bay Lightning team that will be without two of their best players in star center and captain Steven Stamkos (out 1-3 months with a blood clot) as well as top defenseman Anton Stralman (broken leg).
So while the Eastern Conference is like Batman v Superman — a bunch of mostly mediocre characters (the Panthers are definitely Jesse Eisenberg’s Lex Luthor) who aren’t all that great and don’t make a lot of sense, but will keep you entertained regardless — the West is definitely Captain America: Civil War — a.k.a. “holy crap, how’d they squeeze all these awesome dudes into one movie?!”
The Dallas Stars finished top in the conference, but their downfall has always been defense and goaltending. If that problem rears its ugly head once again, it probably won’t happen against the Minnesota Wild in the first round. The Wild are solid on the back end, but the Stars led the league in scoring with a two-headed monster in Tyler Seguin and Jamie Benn. That’s going to be a problem.
The Anaheim Ducks have the other wild card, the Nashville Predators, lined up, and it’s a good time to remind you that the Ducks won just one (ONE!) of their first 10 games on the year. Yet, they still managed to come out on top in a strong Pacific division, proving just how dominant they became once they worked through their issues. There will be some fun hockey to watch here, as long as you can ignore how TERRIBLE both teams’ uniforms are.
The remaining two matchups are a gift from the Hockey Gods themselves. In two awesome rivalry matchups, the St. Louis Blues have the Chicago Blackhawks and the Los Angeles Kings face off against the San Jose Sharks. That’s right, get fully torqued for these games, folks.
Both of these matchups were last seen in the 2014 Stanley Cup playoffs, and both series were epic. St. Louis and Chicago had four of their six games go to overtime before the Blackhawks advanced. The Sharks took a 3-0 series lead before the Kings stormed back and won four in a row to complete the historic comeback before, ultimately, winning the Cup.
You’d be wise not to overlook any of these four teams. Both the Blues and Sharks have a lot of motivation, as they not only look for revenge, but also to prove they’re actually worthy of being feared in the playoffs instead of being labeled as perennial disappointments. And if you overlook the ‘Hawks or Kings, you probably haven’t watched much hockey in the past handful of years.
Whether you’re a diehard hockey fan or just someone who loves the chaos of postseasons sports, this is shaping up to be a really fun road to glory. The Stanley Cup Playoffs are always one hell of a ride, but there’s plenty of reason to believe this may be one of the bumpiest and most thrilling in quite some time, so you’d be wise to brace yourself and tune in. There’s plenty to look forward to and a little bit of something for everyone, unless you’re the type of person who likes to root for teams from Canada.
