Why This Is Great
1. In a world where Tim Tebow could throw a 100 yard touchdown pass to a great white shark through some combination of video editing and Powerade®, it’s great to see people actually setting up stuffed animals and hitting them with soccer kicks. If this was doctored in any way it would be a waste of time, but as it exists now, it’s … well, still a total waste of time, but a fun one.
2. I’m going to buy a pack of glow sticks and go out raving to that Angry Birds theme remix right now.
3. The video does not involve people making basketball shots from a great distance or getting super, super serious about it on Twitter.
4. When I saw the headline “Soccer players bring Angry Birds to life” on the UPROXX main page this morning I couldn’t grasp how they were going to do it; it was either soccer players in Halloween costumes dog-piling each other and breaking two-by-fours or someone was actually throwing birds at pigs. Thankfully neither of those things happen, even if the video devolves into people kicking balls at a dude in costume and making us listen to them laugh about it.
5. It’s way better than “Soccer players bring Words With Friends to life” video, which is just Europeans playing Scrabble.
Ways This Could Be Improved
1. Every bird should be represented. Why not strap a stick of dynamite (okay, a firecracker) to a soccer ball and try to time the explosion? Why not use a cheap ball from Academy Sports that splits into three smaller balls when you kick it?
2. Charge viewers an extra dollar to watch a version of the video that is twice as long.
3. Reenact a better game, like “God Of War” — kick soccer balls at naked women, then kill them.
4. Watch the video on your iPhone instead of working, contributing to society or paying attention to your kids and family. Better yet, watch it while you’re in the tub, then suddenly realize thirty minutes have passed and you’re sitting in room temperature water.
5. Use children instead of soccer balls.
Anne Geddes needs to stop playing on her iPad and go outside.
