Yesterday, my best friend and bass player in my Nelson cover band, Danger Guerrero, brought us the terrific story of the bet between Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers and the classic 90s R&B group Boyz II Men. How DG didn’t ask me to photoshop Rodgers photobombing a Boyz II Men album cover, I’ll never know, but it was an exciting story nonetheless, as Rodgers and the Packers lost to the San Francisco 49ers and Mr. Discount Double Check now has to wear an Alex Smith 49ers jersey this week.
The reason I recapped yesterday’s news is because there are good, fun and playful bets, and we like those because they don’t require me to read man-on-man erotic fan fiction. Instead, I had to do that because a Reddit user and presumed Gaslight fan named “americanslang59” also lost a bet, and the result was indeed erotic fan fiction that involves Rodgers and Smith. I didn’t think it was possible but the Internet became a much stranger place yesterday.
The 49ers defeated the Packers 30-22 and “americanslang59” stayed true to his word.
As the clock winded down, Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers knew they were in trouble. Alas, the clock struck 0 and Packers were served their first loss of the season at the hands of Alex Smith and the San Francisco 49ers. The cameras rushed on the field to interview players. As ESPN’s cameras ran towards Aaron Rodgers, they caught him shaking the hand of the joyous Alex Smith. “Congrats!” said Aaron as their eyes locked. Smith pulled Rodgers in closer. “You played well.” Smith whispered.
Aaron walked into the steamy locker room and began to undress. His gigantic dong flopped out of his uniform. A thundering bang was heard when it slapped against his leg. He hopped in the shower and began to cleanse himself of sweat and dirt. After his shower, he put on his normal attire: Boxers, shorts and a t-shirt.
And there’s more. A lot more, and the rest of it is very NSFW and very hilarious, as it turns into a story about Brady Quinn and LeBron James, which includes the line, “Brady’s prostate was working overtime with the pounding.” Also, if it’s your cup of tea, then maybe it’s very erotic. All I know is that after I finished reading it I cut the legs off of every pair of jeans I own. Not sure why, just suddenly feels right.