Cardinals first baseman Albert Pujols injured the Padres' pitcher and catcher in the span of two batters last night. Pujols began with a line drive off the grill of Chris Young, breaking his nose and making his jersey into a Spray 'n Wash stain stick commercial. Pujols then came around to score, and his slide demolished Chris Young's ankle like a big rig hitting a parked Smart Car.
Above is the video, and — true to baseball form — it's two brief moments of action packed into six breathless minutes of people standing around. Young's face gets smashed right away, then there's a lot of writhing around and medical attention while the announcers claim the replay is "too gruesome" to show. Hey, fuck you guys. Gruesome is the only reason I'm watching this.
Finally, around the three-minute mark, we get to see the second act. By this point, Pujols is tired of acting like he cares about hurting people, so he just goes back to the dugout. Reached for comment, Pujols affected a bad Russian accent and said, "If he dies, he dies."