All 32 NFL Teams Ranked By How AMERICA They Are

07.02.15 3 years ago 76 Comments


32. Bills
Buffalo is basically Canada

31. Bengals
Tigers represent America how? They slink around in tall grass, and they are native to other countries. America isn’t a cat. Cats are sneaky and clever. A cat hunts like a predator. America doesn’t stalk or hunt, America barges in and demands everyone get out of the way. F*ck tigers.

30. Saints
The logo is a French symbol. Screw you, Saints.

29. Panthers
Same reason as the Bengals, only panthers are cooler

28. Raiders
Oakland is basically a third world country, America is a first world country. Get with the program, losers.

27. Chargers
San Diego? That name sounds way too Mexican to me, Chargers.

26. Titans
Nobody cares about the Titans. Everyone cares about America, America doesn’t bore people. Also Titans are gods from Greek myth. Greece ain’t America. Greece is a crappy broke European country and a really annoying musical that your girlfriend likes.

25. Cardinals
Foofy little bird that ain’t imposing. Not very ‘Merica.

24. Browns
America wins wars. The Browns can’t win sh*t.

23. Dolphins
America is too fat to swim, and all our tuna is dolphin-safe so we don’t even have dolphins in us.

22. Broncos
Horses. Whoop de doo.

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