Dunt dudda dunt dunt da, da da dut dah! Dunt dudda dunt dunt da, Dadda da dadda da da! If you could read my booze-addled mind, you'd know that was the sound of the American Gladiators theme song. That's right, American Gladiators is coming back!
Not to be confused with the Russell Crowe epic or the porn classic Glad-he-ate-her, American Gladiators was a 90s TV show that pitted two teams of male and female competitors against "Gladiators" with names like "Ice" and "Turbo", in hilarious, Most Extreme Elimination Challenge-style obstacle courses. It's a little known fact that your mother was also briefly a Gladiator who competed under the name "Queef."
[The show's prodcer] said he was particularly interested in the original U.K. version of "Gladiators," which focused even more on the characters and the behind-the-scenes stories of common folk going up against the show's powerful stars. The new "Gladiators," he said, "will have the scale, scope, different characters and family drama that the U.K. version had."
Oh great, they're turning it into a reality show. Hey asshole, less "Boo hoo, my baby has leukemia", more "Guy getting shot in the nuts with a tennis ball cannon.