Look, I don’t care if the clowns in Detroit want to litter their own ice with traditional mollusk fare, but to do it in someone else’s building? You’re taking your life into your own hands. Just ask Greg Goloborodko (not pictured), one of the Columbus-area Red Wings fans that tried to do just that during Game 3 at the Blue Jackets’ Nationwide Arena:
He lobbed a 2 1/2-pound octopus nicknamed “Homer” about 60 feet over the Plexiglas and onto the ice. Yes, Goloborodko names his octopi for Red Wings’ players — the latest in honor of forward Tomas Holmstrom.
Goloborodko said he was detained by arena security, threatened by angry Jackets fans and enjoyed a chance encounter with NHL commissioner Gary Bettman before being escorted from the building.
“I heard Bettman say, ‘I’m not happy about this one bit.’ I don’t know if he was responding to me or talking about something else.”
Goloborodko got off relatively unscathed:
Elsewhere in Nationwide Arena, Blue Jackets fans pounced on a fan in a Red Wings’ No. 91 Sergei Fedorov jersey before he could heave an octopus.
Goloborodko said Jackets fans vented their anger and that arena security was not happy having to defend him.
The tossing of the octopus on the ice has been a Red Wings’ tradition since the 1950s, but that’s where it needs to stay. You don’t see Auburn taking their eagle into Tuscaloosa and you don’t see Bengals players committing felonies outside of the Tristate area. So the next time you’re thinking of bringing an octopus to Ohio, make sure it’s in a dark room with seven of your friends. They may not go for it right away, but that’s where the ether comes in.