08.07.07 10 years ago 32 Comments

Warwick Capper is a retired Aussie Rules player who was one of the best players in the Australian Football League in the 1980s.  Now 44, the deadbeat dad who has had turns as a stripper, meter maid, and school crossing guard has made a sex tape with his 26-year-old girlfriend… that he sold for six figures.

"I've had a lot of practice being a sex symbol so if you've got it, flaunt it," Capper said. "It's every man's fantasy. I think I'm Australia's answer to Paris Hilton. Someone also said I am like David Beckham. I'm a good-looking footballer with the same quick wit."

I'll say!  He's just like Fabio, if Fabio were fat.  Rawr!  He's the pinnacle of sexy!  Wait… did I say pinnacle?  I meant pinochle.  He's the shitty card game for old people of sexy.  Yeah, that's the right metaphor.

[Deuce of Davenport

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