02.07.07 11 years ago 10 Comments

Wow, some die-hard Bears fan made the dumbest bet in the history of Western Civilization: Scott Wiese swore he would legally change his name to Peyton Manning if the Colts won the Super Bowl. And now he's following through with it.

Wiese… had pledged to his friends that if his beloved team did not win Super Bowl XLI on Sunday, he would legally change his name to the man who led the Indiana nemesis to victory. "A bunch of friends and I were talking one night before the game, and there was a little alcohol involved," said Wiese, 26. "I made the bet, and now I've got to keep it." …Wiese had signed a solemn pledge in front of some 200 people Friday night in Katz Piano Bar in downtown Decatur.

Uh huh. And if the Bears won, what were you going to get, jackass? See, that's not how gambling works. You're supposed to risk something in order to actually gain something. If your best possible outcome is a push, maybe you should think twice before signing that contract to look cool in front of strangers. Excellent risk versus reward analysis, Scott. 

And it's not like the Bears were exactly the 1980s 49ers, either. They were an underdog quarterbacked by Rex Grossman. Making that bet is like buying a house on stilts on a mountainside near the San Andreas Fault. Sure, nothing might go wrong. Or, you could wake up dead in the rubble of your house. Or worse, live with the name Peyton Manning.

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