Hey friends! It’s time to talk about Ethan Carter III! And other Impact stuff if we have to I guess.
– My birthday is on Tuesday, and if you like this report or me or strangers on the internet who write dick jokes and are currently coming to grips with this being their last year in their twenties, you should consider donating to St. Louis Anarchy so they can fix their ring and put on great wrestles. They’re my friends and I love them dearly, and even if you don’t, it’s my birthday and I only get to play this card once a year so pretty please?
– Comment, like this on Facebook, tweet it, tumbl it, and send PDFs of it to you older relatives marked as HILARIOUS!! YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT THIS CUTE DOG DID TO OUTSMART THIS COMPUTER VIRUS so they’ll actually read it.
This week on Impact: Two title matches, a break up, and a dude who has done a million drugs and now lives in the rafters and talks like a Kate Bush song.